They have been dubbed the queen of talk radio and the queen of talk television. Every day, millions of listeners and viewers tune into their programs for advice, wisdom, and personal enlightenment. Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the queen of talk radio, reaches some eighteen million listeners daily. She is ranked second only to Rush Limbaugh in terms of total listeners to her program. Oprah Winfrey, the queen of talk television, reaches some thirty-three million viewers daily. She recently launched a new magazine and website and is experiencing phenomenal success. Despite their unprecedented success, these women share virtually nothing in common. In fact, they are complete opposites with regard to their viewpoints.
Grace versus truth.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a former Catholic who converted to Judaism because of her inability to, in her own words, "...understand the whole grace thing." Dr. Laura is a seasoned broadcaster who has received just enough training in family, child, and marriage counseling to cause some real damage. She is known for offering pointed opinions and spirited advice and for having a no-holds-barred directness that leaves her callers stunned and defensive.
One radio station advertised her radio program in this way. "Every day from 9AM to 11:45 AM, you can listen to the good doctor on NewsTalk 580. But if you're looking for a nice, soothing, motherly touch, change the station! Dr. Schlessinger believes in tough love. This mother and first degree black belt has a PhD in psychology and a marriage counseling license and she knows how to use them! Dr. Laura's hard-hitting, in-your-face, face-the-whole-truth-and-nothing-but-the-whole-truth style has earned her the nickname Dr. Laura Tyson."
Now Oprah Winfrey, the queen of talk television, is the polar opposite of Dr. Laura. Whereas Dr. Laura interrupts her callers, finishes their sentences, and delivers high-velocity, power-packed judgments and stern rebukes, the teary-eyed Oprah therapeutically accepts her audience as she pulls up her chair and dabs her eyes with a wadded-up tissue.
Whereas Dr. Laura Tyson abrasively scolds her listeners and shames them for being so stupid, the open-minded Oprah gently and patiently welcomes all opinions, respects every viewpoint, and celebrates the diversity of beliefs and values that exist within our culture.
Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Laura are polar opposites. They represent two extremes. I mention them only to illustrate a truth. One is all grace while the other is all truth. Neither of them has been able to find the balance between grace and truth.
Oprah hasn't been able to balance grace with truth. Her post-modernist philosophy of life says, "Truth? What truth? There isno truth! Let's just gather around and love each other." On the other hand, Dr. Laura hasn't been able to balance truth with grace. Remember, by her own admission she wasn't able to understand the whole grace thing. Her attitude is, "Here is the truth. Now deal with it!"
Grace and truth.
Now, in the person of Jesus Christ we are able find this balance of grace and truth. John 1:14 (NIV) refers to Jesus and tells us that, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."
Jesus didn't sell out the truth to gain people's favor and acceptance. Nor did he impatiently ramrod the truth down people's throats. Rather, Jesus remained faithful to truth and exuded grace in all his interactions with people. He was full of both grace and truth.
Over in John 8 we find Jesus entering Jerusalem to teach in the temple courts. As he begins teaching, a noisy disturbance erupts in a nearby street. A group of men are shouting and yelling and a panicked woman can be heard crying. An anxious mob is rapidly forming. Suddenly, a scantily clad woman is thrust before Jesus. She immediately falls to her knees, gasping for her next breath. Tears are streaming down her face. Her clothes are torn. She is inappropriate. Her long flowing hair is tangled in knots. Her skin is bruised. Her face is covered with dust from being kicked and dragged through the streets.
As Jesus looks into the crowd, it becomes evident what is happening. Several men in the crowd are angrily clinching stones in their fists. Whispers are circulating through the crowd about the woman's egregious affair. People within the crowd begin pressuring Jesus, "Come on. What are we waiting for? Let's stone her! She's just a worthless prostitute! We have witnesses. Let's rid our streets of her!" In John 8 Jesus was being thrust into a rather difficult situation. Would he sell out the truth, dismiss the crowd, and err on the side of grace? Or would he condemn her for her sin, put her to death, and uphold truth?
As the crowds keep up the pressure, Jesus begins writing on the ground with his finger. A close reading of John 8 tells us that the crowds didn't slow down for a minute. "Come on Jesus. We caught her in the act! The law says stone her to death. Jesus, she is guilty. She is a shameful adulterer. She is moral filth. We don't want her around our children. Let's kill her! The world would be a better place. Her life is a waste! What do you say, Jesus?"
Truth would have joined the crowds in condemning her. Grace would have dismissed the charges with no request for change.
Jesus and truth.
But Jesus was full of grace and truth. Therefore, it was incumbent upon him to uphold the truth. The woman's sin was obvious. Her sin was out in the open. It was a no-brainer. What wasn't so obvious however, was the crowd's sin. So in John 8:7 (NIV)Jesus confronts the angry mob by saying, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Jesus was telling the crowds, "Hey! The truth is a burr in everyone's saddle. Everyone here is a guilty of sin. Everyone here is under the same condemnation as this prostitute. Every last one of you deserves death for your sins. You may just as well be throwing stones at each other as at this woman."
Now please take notice. Jesus never sold out the truth. The truth was never compromised. Jesus never disagreed with the crowd's verdict. The woman was guilty. She was caught. She deserved condemnation. At no point did the woman's sin become a less serious matter. Despite how certain ones have interpreted this text, Jesus upheld the truth and stuck to his guns about her sinfulness.
But of interest to us is how Jesus' commitment to the truth forced him to widen the circle of application. The greater truth was that the crowd was guilty too. Caught or not, they deserved the very same condemnation they were trying to deliver to the woman. They had some secret sins too. In fact, many think that Jesus wrote the secret sins of the angry mob on the ground with his finger. Either way, Jesus applied the truth to everyone and not just to the woman. He didn't let anyone off the hook. Not the woman, not the crowd, and not us. Jesus had a commitment to telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
As the story unfolds, an amazing thing begins to take place. One by one, the rocks begin dropping to the ground and the whispering of the crowd fades. The older ones begin leaving, and then the younger ones, until only Jesus and the woman who was caught in adultery remain.
Jesus and grace.
It is at this point that Jesus applies grace and asks the woman in John 8:10 (NIV), "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" And in John 8:11 (NIV)Jesus sends her away with grace, truth, and a challenge. "Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin."
Friends, Jesus came from the Father, full of grace and truth. He was honest about the truth. He was intentional with his grace. In all of his interactions, he both affirmed with grace and challenged with truth. He could love and rebuke, yet accept and correct, and still embrace and admonish.
Balance grace and truth.
And I mention this because we need to find the same sort of balance in all of our relationships. In all of our interactions, we need to affirm one another with love, which demonstrates grace. At the same time, we must promote growth by speaking the truth to one another. We can't go around selling out the truth as if truth didn't matter or exist. And we can't go around selling each other out as if we didn't value our relationships with one another.
In his book Caring Enough to Confront David Augsburger says, "Speaking the truth in love is the way to mature right relationships." But he points out that we often put grace and truth in opposition to each other. We think that grace and truth contaminate each other. We think that grace and truth are mutually incompatible, like oil and water.
In his book, Augsburger points out a major misconception about grace and truth. In order to confront people powerfully with the truth, we think that we have to lay all concern and grace aside! Likewise, in order for us to genuinely care for others, we think we have to lay all confrontation and assertiveness with the truth aside. Basically, we think that grace and truth weaken each other! He says, "When we're angry, we confront, and to talk of caring at a moment like that would seem false to us. When we care deeply about another, we cannot confront because hurting the other person is the very last thing we want." Augsburger is right. We struggle to balance grace and truth and we struggle to pattern our words after Jesus'. We are a Dr. Laura one moment and then an Oprah Winfrey the next.
Now I genuinely struggle with grace and truth, and frequently pray for wisdom. I will have a relationship that I value immensely with a church member, my parents, my neighbor, or someone else. And then something happens. That valued friend does something outrageous that goes against everything I stand for and believe in. Almost immediately a part of me says, "Hey, that's wrong! What are you doing? What were you thinking? You gotta stop this! This habit is going to destroy you! That behavior will ruin your family! That kind of attitude will land you in hot water! This is something that can destroy our friendship!"
But another part of me says, "Whoa! I value our friendship. Let's move on. This can be water under the bridge. I can turn the other way. No big deal, let's smooth over our differences. Let's stay friends. Call me tomorrow?"
I've talked to a lot of parents who share this same struggle with raising their children. They say, "I love my son deeply, but things cannot go on this way. Do I keep on doing this loving stuff (grace) or do I lay it on the line with him (truth)? Others say, "I bend over backwards to please my boss. I overlook his faults, fix his mistakes, and brush off his belittling comments. But this can't go on forever. He has to know that things have to change!" Still others say, "We love having so-n-so worshiping with us in the church. This is the first time they've come in years. But did you know he has been ----------, and just last week he ----------?Boy, is he ever headed down the wrong path. We need to talk to him quickly and bring a resolution to these matters."
Right now, every one of us has someone we need to speak the truth in love to. Here are some practical steps you can take to insure you do it with balance. Most of these steps come out of Gene Getz's book Building Up One Another.
First, speak the truth in love and with passion.
In Philippians 3:18 (NIV) Paul says, "For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ." Paul's tears were a reflection of his deep love and concern for men and women. His motivation for speaking the truth in love was genuine concern for the welfare of those he ministered to. It wasn't about being right, or about being a cold-hearted jerk, or about getting his point across just for the sake of getting his point across. Paul spoke the truth in love because he knew what was at stake if he didn't.
Second, speak the truth in love personally, one on one.
A lot of times we address problems indirectly, through a third party. We triangulate. We build up allies to support our viewpoint. The Bible says that the place to start is one on one, with a personal confrontation. Have the courage to speak the truth in love. The other person will respect you for it and will be likely to respond to your efforts. Nothing comes without a risk.
Third, speak the truth in love persistently.
In Acts 20:31 (NIV) we are told that Paul, "never stopped warning you (the Ephesian elders) night and day with tears." Never stop talking about that which is of ultimate importance to you and God.
Fourth, speak the truth in love with pure motives.
Speak the truth in love with the motive to build others up, not to tear them down. Speak the truth in love to challenge another person to grow. Don't approach someone with the intention of winning an argument, to shameher into obedience, or to manipulate her.
Fifth, speak the truth in love with a proper goal.
In Colossians 1:28-29 (NIV) Paul says, "We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me." Christ-likeness is the goal we seek as we speak the truth in love.
David Augsburger has a similar list.
- Confront caringly, with real concern.
- Confront gently, and do not offer more than the relationship can handle.
- Confront constructively, avoid blaming, shaming, or punishing.
- Confront acceptingly, and assume the other person has good intentions.
- Confront clearly, don't beat around the bush. Be honest and forthright. State the facts.
The point is that we must have the courage to follow Christ's example of speaking the truth in love. He upheld the truth while affirming and respecting the individual.
A pact.
When I was in grade school, I made a pact with two of my friends. We vowed never to smoke, drink, chew tobacco, or do drugs. For several years, we kept our pact. It wasn't too hard in third grade then. Boy,have times ever changed!
But as we moved into junior high and especially high school, things changed. One of my friends began puffing mini-cigars and the other started on cigarettes. Before long, they were both into drinking. One got into drugs. And soon they forgot about the pact we made to one another. Overnight, our friendship and our commitment to one another's good faded. New friends replaced old friends and we no longer hung out with each other.
Luckily, my new friends shared my principles, values, and goals. Together, we sharpened one another to the point that many things weren't even a temptation, let alone a thought in our minds. We weren't afraid to lay everything on the line and speak the truth in love. We would get in each other's faces and say, "This has to stop."
Now here is the clincher. If we don't help one another and speak the truth in love, then who will? Who will help us become more like Christ? Who will encourage us, rebuke us, and teach us to live a Christ-like life? Who will hold us accountable when we veer off the narrow path? Who will be there when we fall into temptation and sin?
We are a Christian community and we have an obligation to admonish one another in truth and in love.