What are the biggest risks you've taken in life? You know, people are always taking risks. For me, getting out on the edge of a roof, and cleaning the gutters, feels risky! If you need help, don't call me, I can barely do my own gutters! Climbing a tree, swinging from a rope, high diving, sky diving... nope! I need these feet on solid ground.
Did you hear about the guy the other day who locked his keys in his apartment? He thought he'd get up on the four-story-high roof of his apartment, somehow climb down to his balcony, to break into his home. Yea, he died, his neighbor got it on video. I tried to go out here on a step ladder to take down the huge banner on the side of the building--I hate ladders. The thought of falling terrifies me. I broke bones as a kid!
Anyhow, life is filled with risks, right? In High School I took a speech class, that too was terrifying! I was so glad the class would end knowing I'd never have to do public speaking again. Interviewing for that first job, choosing a college, a career path, making investments... moving to Springfield, taking on new, unfamiliar challenges...
One of the biggest risks we take involves relationships. There were times when I was younger where I thought I liked a girl. But the thought of asking a girl out, or making a commitment, terrified me. What if they got attached to me? What if it didn't work out? What if I had to break up with them? Do any of you watch the Bachelor? What person in their right mind would want to go through breakup after breakup, sending all those girls home crying in a limo?
College is where I eventually met Lara. I'd never dated anyone until her. Lara says she never dated anyone either, but I still give her a hard time about some of the guys she hung out with! We were total amateurs. I pretty much sent all wrong signals.
Once I took her out to eat, and I knew I liked her, and that I'd better speak up, but I just didn't know how to say it. So on the way home I said, "I'd like to see you on a regular basis." She was like, "What do you mean on a regular basis, like Thursdays, Fridays, in the café, after chapel, when?" Man, she worked me over pretty good!
I had a friend who gave me some advice. He said, "Don't tell her you love her until you been together a long time." But within weeks of dating a girl, he told his new girlfriend, "I love you." So one night I sprung same words on Lara. "Lara, I love you." But Lara was like, "What do you mean you love me?" And I was like, "What do you mean... what do I mean I love you." She was like, "What exactly does ‘I love you' mean to you." And I was like, "I don't know..." And then she sprung 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 on me, and explained the meaning of each word. Well, I'd never read those words. So I said, "Wow, that's intense, I guess maybe I don't love you?" Then she got all upset like on that bachelor show... like that limo ride thing... like she didn't get rose... like Beyonce I wouldn't put a ring on it. And I said, "Maybe I'd better think longer about this whole love thing? I'll get back to you."
After 3-4 years of dating, we went through premarital counseling, she decided she would marry me, talk about an extraordinary risk! The minister encouraged us to really think about our vows, "will you love one another, for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, unto death. . . one of you will attend the other's funeral, this is serious." I was like, "I'd better seal this deal before I lose out..." But the minister was like, "Are you going to love this woman just as Christ loves the church? Will you love only her, and cherish only her... will you make a vow before God to remain faithful to her?"
In Matthew 7:12 Jesus says, "So in everything do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." What a risky proposition right? So what does it mean to be "fully vested" in the good of someone else, as much or more than yourself? In Ephesians 5:28 Paul applies this golden rule to marriage when he says, "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Is it really in a husband's self-interest to love his wife as he loves himself, to do unto to her as he'd do unto himself? Imagine the healing that would happen in marriages if spouses did unto one another as do unto self?
What's amazing about the golden rule is that Jesus doesn't limit the golden rule to marriage. Jesus extends the rule to all relationships. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus actually gets at the golden rule a hundred different ways...
Do you like be shown mercy? Jesus says, "blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." "blessed are the peacemakers." "Forgive as you've been forgiven." "Freely you have received, now freely give." Do you like it when people retaliate against you? Jesus says, "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" Do you like being judged all the time? Jesus says, "do not judge, or you too will be judged." "First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Do you like being sued, and losing everything? Jesus says, "settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison... and you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."
Jesus even says, "if someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other." "If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."
The essence of the golden rule is that we should take the risk of extending love in each/every relationship, in each/every circumstance, no matter how dire. And not only that, but it's in our self-interest to do so. Love is the better risk, best card to play.
There is of course another risk we can take, and Jesus says a lot about that too. We can always risk sin in relationships, and Jesus is clear, sin is the bigger risk. Whatever cost we imagine we will pay risking love, the cost of risking sin is infinitely higher.
What's the cost of not being merciful, forgiving, pure? What's the cost of returning a volley of hatred, anger, and escalating insults? What's the cost of taking justice into our hands, and settling matters in a one-sided, self-serving manner?
What's the cost of lust, of adultery, of divorce, or wrecked families? What's the cost of sexual immorality, of victimizing others? What's the cost of breaking oaths, of breaking your word when the costs outweigh the rewards? What's the cost of slapping your enemy back, of withholding generosity from people in need, of sending fire and brimstone reigning down on your enemies?
The greater risk isn't love, the greater risk is sin itself. Matthew 7:12 Jesus says, "So in everything do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."
Another way we can think of the golden rule is to understand that Jesus is really asking us is to love others as God loves us. Through the Golden Rule Jesus is asking us to take on Father's kind of love, practice Father's kind of love, and grow in the Father's kind of love. The Father's kind of love maximizes the redemptive potential of every relationship in our lives, even that of our enemies. "Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you."
John 13:34, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
Matthew 18:21-35, parable of unmerciful servant, this isn't academic!
With it being Valentines Day, I want to go back to how Paul applies the golden rule to marriage in Ephesians 5. When Lara & I were getting marriage counseling we understood that our relationship was to become the clearest possible portrait of God's kind of love for us in Christ Jesus. That just as God so loved the world, and risked everything, to send his Son, to die for our sins... so we should love one another.
Here is what Paul says to Husbands... Ephesians 5:25-33. The depth, richness of our relationships whether in marriage, or family, or any other relationships, boils down to how well we grasp the Father's love for us in Christ Jesus.
Who needs see Father's Love? Here is how: Ephesians 4:25-5:2