A family was gathered for the birthday party of a rather energeticthree-year-old boy. As the boy opened a gift from his grandmother, he was thrilled to find a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. The father of the boy expressed his disapproval to the grandmother, "I'm surprised at you, Mom. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" The grandmother smiled and said, "Oh yes, I remember!"
Deep within all of us there is a desire to even the score with those who have harmed us. Sometimes we do it in good humor, just like the grandmother who bought a squirt gun for her grandson. But at other times, our attempts to even the score are no laughing matter.
Back in 1993 the Houston Chronicle ran a story about afifty-five year-old British woman named Sarah Moon who's aristocratic husband left her for a younger woman. Filled with vengeful thoughts, Sarah passionately sought to get even with her husband. She began by pouring gallons of paint on his cherished BMW while it was parked in his girlfriend's driveway. A week later, she cut four inches off the left sleeve on thirty-two of her husband's custom-tailored, sixteen hundred dollar, Saville Row suits. The following week she gave away sixty bottles of her husband's finest wine! Her exploits got the attention of the press, and Sarah Moon became a kind of celebrity.
As the British press reported the story, other women came forward with their stories. One lady wrote Sarah and told her how she cleaned the toilet with her unfaithful husband's toothbrush and then watched with delight as her husband brushed his teeth. Someone else wrote and told the story of Vera Czermak. Upon learning of her husband's betrayal, Mrs. Czermak became suicidal and decided to jump to her death from their third floor apartment in Prague. Surprisingly, she survived the jump,but only because she landed on her husband. He died of massive head trauma. (True story!)
Just recently I watched an interview of an individual whose family member survived the Oklahoma City bombing, but with a severe handicap. The reporter asked him what the punishment for Timothy McVeigh should be. With great intensity and anger, the man's face became blood red as he spit out the words, "I want to see them tie Timothy McVeigh to a wooden frame and let bamboo shoots grow up through his body until he dies!"
A part of us wants to avenge our hurts.
There is a part of us that wants to avenge our hurts. We totally relate to the grandmother, Sarah Moon, and Mrs. Czermak. Our impulse, our gut response, our flesh says, "Make em' pay. Make em' pay dearly."
Some time back, a couple I know found themselves in a frightening circumstance. The young lady had been working at a store when a college-aged man came in and spoke to her. He was well mannered and seemednormal. He managed to get her name. With a little help from her coworkers, he also managed to get her phone number, and then her address, and later on, her boyfriend's name. Several times he asked her out on dates, but to no avail. She was engaged.
Not to be outdone, he started hanging around at her work place. He would follow her home after work or school. He'd call her at night. When she didn't respond, he began making threatening phone calls and writing notes. As the threats intensified, she began fearing for her life. The guy wouldn't stop. One night she woke up to an explosion in her driveway. He'd dumped gasoline on her car and had lit it on fire. The couple managed to get a restraining order, but it was just a piece of paper. The police and district attorney were unresponsive. They barely raised an eyebrow.
Here was their dilemma. They had the guy's name, they knew his address, they had more than enough friends to go over to guy's house and bust his chops, and they totally felt justified in doing so. They saw it as the only viable solution. After church one day they pulled me aside and asked, "What wouldyou do?" At the time I encouraged them to wait and pray. Not long afterward, the couple hid out in Arizona and the man was committed to a mental institution, whereupon he ended his own life. What a bizarre story.
What is the proper way to respond to an injustice?
This morning I think their question deserves our attention. How do we respond to an injustice? How do we handle our enemies? Do we retaliate? In Matthew 5:38-42 (NIV) Jesus speaks to this important subject. "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you,Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."
In the Old Testament when God said, "eye for eye" and, "tooth for tooth" he was speaking exclusively to the human courts of law and not to the realm of personal relationships. The courts of the law were to enforce and uphold all of God's commandments. The courts of the law were charged to administer justice and to assign punishment for evil. The compensation for a crime was to be the exact equivalent of what was lost, and no more. But the people of Jesus' day did not understand this. The Pharisees and the teachers of the law applied God's command to the personal realm and used it to justify retaliation. They permitted people to avenge their hurts and to recover their personal losses. They permitted individuals to take the law into their own hands.
Whenever someone delivered an insulting backhanded slap across their right cheek, they were to roll up their sleeves and give it right back in orderto defend their honor. Whenever someone sued them in the court of the law, they could countersue and worm their way out of any settlement through legal loopholes and willful defiance. If a Roman soldier wrongly forced a Jew into service and said, "Carry my luggage" or, "Cook me dinner", the Jews were justified in slamming their luggage about,burninghis dinner, and generally not cooperating. If someone wanted to borrow money with no intention paying it back, they could deny that person a loan even if it meant leavinghim hungry and homeless.
The idea set forth in Jesus' culture was to be a rock in the shoe of your enemies. Make them pay whenever possible, and give them a taste of your disfavor and pain. Avoid embarrassment, physical pain, property loss, financial loss, and sacrifice at any and every cost. Look out for yourself and protect yourself at any cost.
Jesus urged his audience to not repay evil for evil.
Jesus totally stuns his audience by asserting just the opposite. If someone deals you an insulting blow on your right cheek, turn to him your left. If an evil person means you harm by suing for your personal property, give him even more than he asks. Don't just give your tunic, give your cloak. If a soldier forces you into hard service for one mile, go two miles, be cooperative, bend over backwards, offer more than he asks, and say, "Anything else, friend?" If an evil person demands money from you, lend it to him to meet his need. "Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away the one who wants to borrow from you."
Instead of retaliating in kind, evil for evil, go the extra mile, even though it costs you physical pain, discomfort, embarrassment, your clothing, your afternoon, personal financial loss, or some other costly sacrifice. Jesus wants us to totally put the needs of our enemies before our own needs. He wants us to serve the needs of the very people who actively intend us harm and who hate us. Honestly, on the surface that seems totally irrational, if not altogether foolish.
In Matthew 5:43-47 (NIV) Jesus builds on this and suggests further action. "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
We must change our attitudes toward our enemies.
It is not enough to go the extra mile in action. Jesus wants an attitude shift to occur. We should actively seek the highest good for our enemies. We should even love them! We should pray for their well-being and spiritual health, even as they persecute us! We should remember God's goodness to all people."He causeshis sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteousand the unrighteous." We should go as far with our enemies as we do with our family and friends."...if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?" And then the clincher, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect."
In a word Jesus is saying, "No matter what, do not retaliate. But love your enemies in action and in attitude." That coworker who keeps sabotaging and misrepresenting your work to the boss, that unrepentant jerk at school or workwho constantly pokes fun at you every day, that evil neighbor who has the local ordinance handbook memorized and sticks it to you every time he gets a chance, that family member who verbally abuses you and slanders your good name, that deranged individual who threatens your life and frightens you, that over-zealous copwho lurks in the shadows waiting to catch you with a runny nose, that vengeful teacher who has it out for you and refuses give your child asecond chance, that current or ex-spouse who inflicts misery after misery upon you, running up legal costs, and frustrating your efforts toward reconciliation. To all of them Jesus says, "Love them in action and attitude. Don't hate them. Don't retaliate."
Now don't write Jesus' words off as being naive and idealistic and foolish. Could what he is saying really be thebest course of action, or reaction? What are some credible reasons to pursue Jesus' policy of love and non-retaliation? I believe there are several reasons.
Love draws out the best in us, not the worst.
Our enemies tend to draw out the ugly and the bad in all of us. We're tempted to stoop to their level, to play by their rules, and to use their tactics. We fill our minds up with vengeful thoughts. We lay awake at night plotting. We rehearse conversations, wishing that we would have said something with a little more zip. We dream up ways to stop them dead in their tracks and make them think twice about messing with us. Soon we become consumed with evil and let it overtake our lives.
Why do our enemies always have to bring out the ugly side of humanity in us? Jesus sees our reaction to our enemies as an opportunity to let us sparkle and radiate with God's goodness. The purest form of love is the love that we show to our adversaries. Love draws out the best in us, not the worst.
Love cleanses our hearts of anger and guilt.
Love diffuses anger and guilt.Conversely, retaliation fuels anger and guilt. Love shifts our focus away from angry, guilt-inducing, vengeful thoughts, to God-honoring thoughts of reconciliation and peace. In the end, love leaves us with a clear conscience that enables us to stand before God purely.
Love breaks the vicious cycle of hostility.
Some time ago, I remember a picture on the front page of the State Journal-Register. A mother was being restrained by her family as hertwenty year-old son lay dying in the grass. The paramedics were doing everything they could to save the boy, but even the most extreme life-saving measures failed to jumpstart his heart. The boy had a history of gun play and gang activity. Back in 1997 he shot a man in the chest out of retaliation. Also in 1997 he robbed a man and shot at him as he made his getaway. In 1998 he and another man shot up a house in Springfield. On two occasions the boy had been shot, once in the stomach, and once in both legs.
Over the years the boy had been caught up in a vicious cycle of retaliation that culminated in his cold-blooded murder in broad daylight in his mother's yard. These things always start out as simple offenses before escalating. Love bites the bullet before the bullet kills. Love takes a knee and yields and absorbs the last blow. Love breaks the silence of hatred and the vicious cycle of hostility.
Love insures entrance into God's kingdom.
The unforgiving, unmerciful, vengeful person runs an enormous spiritual risk. In Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) Jesus says, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
The reason Jesus says things like, "Turn your cheek", "Go the extra mile", "Give him your cloak as well", "Give to the one who asks", is simple. The temporary physical losses we experience in this life do not even compare to the spiritual risks we take as we withhold forgiveness from our enemies. Love insures entrance into God's kingdom because it pushes us to forgive one another.
Love is consistent with our witness and is morally right.
God wants us to be salt and light in this world. He wants us to be a counter-culture. In 1 John 2:9 (NIV) John says, "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble." God is love. God defines love. To love is to be like God.
Love satisfies our quest for revenge. Love irritates our enemies and keeps them up at night. Love brings about the conversion of our enemies. I love Proverbs 25:21-22 (NIV) which says, "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head and theLORD will reward you."
Our enemies expect us to retaliate in kind. They are just waiting for an excuse to send over the next volley of pain and affliction. Love sends our enemies back to the drawing board scratching their heads. Love baffles. It mystifies our enemies. It makes them take a long hard look at what they're doing. It pricks their consciences. It stirs up guilt. Love drives out hatred just like light drives out darkness.
In April of this year Ricky and Toni Sexton were taken hostage inside their Wytheville, Virginia home by a fugitive couple on a crime spree. Toni had just taken her poodle outside when Dennis Lewis and Angela Tanner roared into her driveway waving pistols and yelling at her to get in the house. Inside the house the Sextons turned their hostage experience into an opportunity to demonstrate Christian love. They listened to their captors' troubles. They fixed them a meal. They showed them gospel videos. They read to them out of the Bible. They prayed with them and cried with them.
During negotiations with the police, Ricky Sexton refused his own release when Lewis and Tanner suggested they might end the standoff by committing suicide! The standoff had an unusual ending. Before surrendering to police, Angela Tanner left one hundred thirty-five dollars and a note for the Sextons that read, "Thank you for your hospitality. We really appreciate it. I hope he gets better. Wish all luck and love. Please accept this. It really is all we have to offer. Love, Angela and Dennis."
Love sends our enemies back to the drawing board. It leaves a deep mark on the lives of spiritually hardened men and women.
Love makes room for God's justice and wrath.
In Romans 12:17-19 (NIV) Paul says, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay', says the Lord."
When we retaliate, we are taking away God's job. When we retaliate we are refusing to trust in God's justice and wrath. God is the judge. God punishes evil. Love lets go and lets God.
Love is consistent with Christ's example.
1 Peter 2:19-21 (NIV) says, "For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps."
1 Peter 2:22-24 (NIV), "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth. When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed."
Love, and not retaliation, is the best policy for us.It was the example of Jesus Christ.