Happy Father's Day! This summer we've been unpacking what it means to be “Soul Strong.” Each week, we've been taking inventory of some of the “armor" God has given us to equip us for the challenges and battles we face every day. You'd probably never get a guy to admit it, but a lot of men are silently engaged in a battle not necessarily of their own making, but certainly a battle they feel is all their own.
I was thinking of my dad this week. Actually, I think about him all the time. I know this won't make sense to some of you… but the older I get, the more I’ve understood things about him and come to know him. He passed away over nine years ago—but of course, it still feels like yesterday. And it still feels like a cosmic injustice that he died and was taken so abruptly.
A lot of men really pride themselves in being strong. Dad was one of the strongest men I knew. He was physically strong (factory, farm strong) Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually tough. He could be very stern, and occasionally tender. He could be quite understanding, but often wasn't, or maybe couldn't be. In retrospect though, I think dad was battle-hardened. As a young man, my dad, his brother David and sister Diane were subject to a hellish, abusive, alcoholic father. In his home there was no tenderness, no coddling, no fond family memories, no at-a-boys, no “I'm proud of yous…” or “I love yous." Dad's early years were about survival. He grew up in an emotionally, spiritually impoverished home. He spent his childhood walking on eggshells. Hoping his bi-polar father would stay at work, or the bar, and not come home and blow everything up. When things got dangerous, dad would often escape to his grandmother’s trailer which was nearby.
As a young man, by Dad's brother David was tragically killed in a forklift accident. The lift was missing a protective cage, continually jerked about, and frequently malfunctioned. And that's what happened. One day the machine jerked and a huge load fell back on him, crushing him to death, leaving his wife widowed and daughter without a father. The factory scrambled and dismantled the forklift to hide any kind of culpability.
But there wasn’t a shoulder to cry on, so what is a guy to do? Well, you do your best to bury the pain, you build your walls a little higher and thicker, you push people a little further away (including God), and do your best to move forward. Men go to great lengths to mask any chinks (vulnerabilities) in their armor. They live by the mantra “fake it until you make it.” Dad's first wife committed adultery while he was serving in the Air Force. Dad mentioned none of these things, ever.
I didn't point this out earlier but when you read Paul's letter to the Ephesians it's organized in a peculiar way. We've been in Ephesians 6 talking about the armor of God. But in Ephesians 5, Paul issues one of the most stirring (and comprehensive) calls to Godly living found in all of Scripture. In Ephesians 5:1-2 he says, “Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God.”
Our culture is always asking that question, what does it mean to be a man? Whether we're talking about manhood or womanhood, the answer is the same. No matter what set of cards we've been dealt… no matter how sad, cruel, or tragic…you aspire to become like your Heavenly Father. To imitate God. You take your earthly and fleshly childhood and exchange it for a heavenly and spiritual childhood. You become a dearly-loved child of God, as sappy and sentimental as that may sound on the surface. You put yourself under God, under his Fatherhood, under his household, and aspire by God's Spirit to be a better man. Be imitators of God! There is in my view no greater aspiration.
Now what does that mean? Good Old Testament theology gives us a strong sense of God's great strength, his holy character and profound goodness. We see God's attributes play out in his relationship with the “nation” of Israel and the “nations” of the world. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He is a God of justice and truth. He cares for the weak, broken, and downtrodden. The most vulnerable…widows and orphans.
For a lot of people, the idea of imitating “God" feels kind of abstract. Afterall, he is so high, and beyond us. Perfect and holy. It’s for this reason God sent his Son, Jesus into the world. Jesus was God in the flesh, God incarnate, God dwelling and walking among us—being fully God and yet also fully man. Jesus showed us “the way" to navigate the everyday challenges and struggles of life. So Paul says, “Imitate God…” but then more tangibly says, “walk in love as Christ also loved us… walk in love as Christ gave himself up… walk in love, living like Christ, offering yourself up to God, laying down your life on the altar of sacrifice, every moment of every day. Be like…live like…follow Christ Jesus!
When I read Ephesians 5… it’s inspiring… we ought be calling out the very best in one another—the very best in our men both young and old! We ought not settle for becoming anything less than fully like God, like Christ Jesus! And becoming like God (loving like Jesus)… this is the everyday battle men face.
Now of course Paul gets more specific. Ephesians 5:3-4, “3 But sexual immorality and any impurity or greed should not even be heard of among you, as is proper for saints. 4 Obscene and foolish talking or crude joking are not suitable, but rather giving thanks. 5 For know and recognize this: Every sexually immoral or impure or greedy person (who is an idolater) does not have an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.”
Think of what a caricature (joke) our culture makes of manhood. Do you watch the news? Do you follow the headlines much? Do you read the stories “behind the music"? I don't want to mention any “names” directly—but is sexual immorality the essence of manhood? Impurity? Greed? Is manhood about how many women you can get away abusing? How many children (sons and daughters) you can get away trafficking? Is manhood about pure, unbridled, unhindered, on-demand sexual gratification? On demand, high-def, high tech, pornography? Is manhood how well you can game the system for selfish gain and cheat others? Is manhood about how crass, unfiltered, mean, divisive, vulgar you can be? Is manhood about never being grateful, never content, never thankful? An idol is a God-substitute. Idolatry is substituting (trading God away) for any and every other thing in life.
Ephesians 5:6-11, “Let no one deceive you with empty arguments, for God’s wrath is coming on the disobedient because of these things. 7 Therefore, do not become their partners. 8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light— 9 for the fruit of the light consists of all goodness, righteousness, and truth— 10 testing what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Don’t participate in the fruitless works of darkness, but instead expose them.”
Not only ought we call the best in men, we ought to call them to aspire to imitate God. We also ought to expose just how depraved, impoverished, and condemnable life without God truly is. Walk as children of light. Flip the script. Change your family's legacy. Be the man God created you to be. The man Christ Jesus showed himself to be. Ephesians 5:15-21, “Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk—not as unwise people but as wise— 16 making the most of the time, because the days are evil. 17 So don’t be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 And don’t get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but be filled by the Spirit: 19 speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music with your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.” This is a radically refreshing and redemptive portrait of manhood. But to what else do you want to aspire?
For Paul, soul-strong, godly, Christ-centered manhood (wherever possible) ought to overflow directly into fatherhood. Now why do I say that? When I was a young man, and fell in love with Lara, we spent extensive amounts of time walking, talking, and praying together. There wasn't much to do on a Christian College campus but to go on long walks. But it was early in our relationship that my desire , my aspiration to imitate God, and love like Christ was forever cemented.
Now as we got married, we established our own home and hoped for children. But in time it slowly became apparent that wasn't in the cards. Can you be a true man if you don't have your own offspring? What if you never find love, and remain single? So often what cannot be accomplished in the “flesh” can be accomplished by the “Spirit.” I think of Jesus (no children, not married). I think of Paul and Ephesians 5 (no children not married). But look at what the ripple effect, the example, the teaching of Christ (and the apostles) has had through centuries.
If you can find love, find a godly woman, and get married—do it! If you can establish a home, and have children, be fruitful and multiply. But whatever your circumstance, call out the best in men. Call out the best in their character. Call out the best in their marriage. Call out the best in their family. Call out the best of what they can be in the workplace. The most transformative, world-changing marital and family wisdom was given by a guy speaking from the outside…
Ephesians 5:22-33, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.”
Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:5-9, “Slaves [You who feel disempowered, disenfranchised, or emasculated by your station in life], obey your human masters with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as you would Christ. 6 Don’t work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing God’s will from your heart. 7 Serve with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to people, 8 knowing that whatever good each one does, slave or free, he will receive this back from the Lord. 9 And masters [You in power, with influence and control], treat your slaves [employees, underlings, others] the same way, without threatening them, because you know that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.”
Okay so the bottom line is this. There is no way to master Ephesians 5 unless you master Ephesians 6. The only way we become imitators of God, loving like Christ is invite God into the struggle, into the battle. To men I’d say don't push God out, but invite God into your life.
Be strengthened by the Lord and by his vast strength.
Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the schemes of the devil.
Recognize this… our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this darkness, against evil, spiritual forces in the heavens.
Take up the full armor of God.
This isn't your battle to fight alone… let God equip you with what's needed. Let God lend you his shoulder—not to cry on so much—but to strengthen you to fight and win.