One of the Learning Channel's more popular shows is "A Baby Story". "A Baby Story" is all about families preparing for the birth of their baby boy or girl. Every week I have been trying to play at least an introductory video clip from each TLC show to give you a flavor of what the shows are about, but the introduction of "A Baby Story" was a bit much! It was a close-up of a pregnant woman's bare, ballooning belly. Even if it wasn't bare, there is no need to show a pregnant woman's belly on the screen. Just look around the church. We have about a half-dozen expectant mothers. To all of you mothers I say, "Happy Mother's Day!"
Some of the do's and dont's of caring for a child.
Several years ago, I became an uncle when my sister gave birth to a baby girl. I remember visiting Deanna, her husband Nathan, and my niece Rachelle at the hospital the day after Deanna had given birth. It was quite the educational experience! A nurse came into the room giving a graphic description of how frequently Rachelle's bowel movements should take place. She described what color and what consistency, and fill out this chart, and do this, but don't do that, and never and always, and "Sir, what are you doing holding the baby like that? You need to hold it this way!" The nurse was just a little bit overzealous. But then, who could fault her?
Of course my sister (I love my sister!) is always giving us lessons during the holidays about what we should and should not do, should we ever have a baby of our own. Like feeding a baby popcorn. You've got to really mash it up so the baby doesn't choke on it, my sister told us last Christmas. I'd never even thought of giving a baby popcorn, but if I did, I guess we would mash it up!
Nowadays, our niece is about three years old. She is tall enough that the top of her head is about the height of the dining room table at my parents' house. I was less concerned about the popcorn and more concerned about her running full speed through the dining room. I saw it coming. Smack! Didn't even register on her mother's radar. But hey, I'm not giving any advice! "Here's some smashed popcorn, little girl. Go run and play, enjoy eating that bug crawling on the floor, jump off the furniture!"
Can you minister effectively if you don't have children?
Lara and I enjoy being an aunt and uncle. Last June Nathan and Deanna gave birth to Zach. We'll become the legal guardians if something were to happen to the parents. Just get them out of diapers. Nothing's going to happen, right? People often ask Lara and I when we are planning to have children. Sometimes people make an assumption, "Why have you guys decided not to have children?" One person bluntly asked, "How can you minister effectively at this church since you don't have children?" I deferred them to the examples of Jesus and the apostle Paul for an answer.
For the record, Lara and I would love to have our own children. But sometimes it doesn't matter what a couple plans or what a couple decides. God gives and God takes away. God, "causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." Matthew 5:45 (NIV). Sometimes God chooses to bless people in ways other than in the specific ways they seek. I can only pray that until God causes his sun to rise or sends rain that you not hold that against us, make assumptions, or see our ministry as being somehow limited. Because we don't have children, we have a deepened sense of perspective on how great a gift a child is. Children are truly a gift from God's hand.
And I would say to you parents who have been blessed with children that God has entrusted you with an incredibly precious and priceless gift. I hope you never take it for granted that you are a parent and that God has entrusted a soul into your care. What a privilege and an enormous responsibility you have!
Non-negotiable priorities every parent should embrace.
This morning I want to give everyone some things to think about. I'm calling these things non-negotiable priorities every parent should embrace. I hope it will be an encouragement to you. For our obsessive note-takers, I am going to work backwards through the outline that is printed in your bulletin.
Priority number one- A spiritual family to serve as your mentors.
First, consider the priority of a spiritual family to mentor you in difficult times. If you are a parent, there will be difficult times ahead. If you have kids, there will be challenges, frustrations, disappointments, and problems. Children are human. You're human. We all have sinful natures and all of us sin. There is no perfect parent, no perfect child, and no perfect family. There is only the illusion of perfection. Every family is dysfunctional in some way. If you think there is perfection, take a closer look and you will see the reality. The difficulty is in knowing how to navigate your family through the sin that so easily entangles. You need wisdom. You need advice. You need discernment.
If you are a parent, you shouldn't presume to know everything about parenting. You are Christ's disciple. You are a lifelong learner. Just when you think you have things figured out, things change right before your very eyes. What works with one child doesn't work with the next. What works in one family doesn't work in the next. What worked for your grandparents may not work for you, but you should probably give it a try anyway.
Christian parents do not parent alone.
As a parent you should be encouraged to know that you do not parent alone. As a Christian you are part of a community; a larger spiritual family. When that person asked me how I could minister effectively since I didn't have children, I was a bit taken aback, but I didn't sweat it. I don't have to have all the answers about parenting because there are others within our church family who do!
The Bible talks about older men teaching younger men, older women teaching younger women, and parents and grandparents teaching their children in Titus 2:3-5 (NIV). "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." No one person has to have all the answers! Not every answer has to be given from this pulpit, or spoken from my mouth. If you are a parent, look around you. You are surrounded by brothers and sisters, spiritual mothers and fathers, spiritual grandparents. They have the answers you need, but you have to ask!
If I were raising a family today, I would put a premium on church attendance. Forget sports. Forget whatever else interferes. That stuff isn't going to do as much for your children as time spent among God's family. And you, you're not going to find a stronger support mechanism than the one God has built into the Church. As a parent, I pray that you will come to value your relationships within the church more than you value your relationships outside the church. We are Christ's body, and we are here to serve one another and to build one another up.
Priority number two- an ambitious, God-honoring purpose for your children.
Along these lines, I want you to consider a second priority. You should have an ambitious, God-honoring purpose for your children. I don't mean to keep going to the same passages week after week, but consider what Malachi the prophet told the Israelites about God's design for marriage and the purpose God has for mothers and fathers. In Malachi 2:15 (NIV) Malachi says, "Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring."
God has brought husband and wife together to produce godly offspring. I want you to take a pen and underline the phrase, "godly offspring." Godliness is not the world's goal. For the world, success is measured by ACT scores, athleticism, prestigious scholarships, trophies, good looks, or fine accomplishments. The world doesn't care whether your children are godly. The world doesn't care if your child loves Jesus, worships the living God, prays, knows the Bible, lives out God's will, can share her faith, have integrity, look after the needs of others, respect others, tell the truth, have a pure mind, or speak kindly. The world wants to know how many baskets, how many goals, and how high a score.
But as a parent, you have to decide whether your child will score big with the world or score big with God. Will your child value godliness or will she value the things of the world? I don't wish to be dramatic, but it's just that so many parents take their cues from the world, while dismissing the purposes God has. God should have a voice!
Parents, I put in your outline that your children become who you are. If you personally value godliness and make it a priority now while you children are young, they will follow your example. But if everything else is a priority,if God is always edged out, and if Sunday becomes just another day in the world, your children may never overcome that. And that would be a tragedy. Proverbs 22:6 (NIV) says, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." With God, are you seeking godly offspring? Is training your children to be godly your top priority, before all other things?
Priority number three- Having a faithful, God-honoring marriage relationship.
Third, consider the priority of a faithful, God-honoring marriage relationship. It is no secret that some of the most forceful words spoken by God are spoken in Malachi. But with God, forceful words are always spoken out of love, with our best interests at heart and your children's best interests at heart. So these words are not meant to beat anyone up who has sinned or failed. They are written to strengthen us.
In Malachi 2:13-16 (NIV) Malachi drives home the priority of a faithful, God-honoring marriage. "Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?' It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. 'I hate divorce,' says the LORD God of Israel, 'and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,' says the LORD Almighty."
Here is a simple truth to take home. God hates divorce because he loves us. One of God's purposes in marriage, in making husband and wife as one, is to create a stable, secure environment for producing godly offspring. Nothing is more destructive to a child's development than an unstable home life. An unstable home life is where mom and dad struggle for power, where they threaten one another, manipulate one another, cuss, swear, or lie. An unstable home is where uncommitted partners come and go on a whim, and where a child never sees a living illustration of God's love and faithfulness and grace.
Malachi says, "guard yourself in your spirit..." If you are a parent, even if you are not a parent, guarding your marriage is your number one priority. The greatest gift you can give your children to set them up for success is your love for one another. Children derive their self esteem, self confidence, respect for authority, love for people, and their love for God directly from the example of their mom and dad's union. Malachi says, "Do not break faith with the wife of your youth." The best parenting flows from a strong and healthy God-honoring marriage relationship.
Priority number four- A spiritually vital relationship with Jesus Christ.
Last, consider the priority of a spiritually vital relationship with Jesus Christ. Malachi the prophet asks in Malachi 2:10-11 (NIV), "Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our fathers by breaking faith with one another? Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god." Malachi instructs the Israelites to never forget their creator and to demonstrate respect for the living God. I told you last week that as goes our relationship with God, so goes our marriage. But you should take that further. As goes our relationship with God, so goes your marriage relationship, your parenting relationship, your relationship with your children, and your relationship to the church family.
Priority number one before parenting is your marriage. Priority number one before your marriage is your relationship with Jesus Christ. A well-ordered life in Christ brings order to all of life's relationships. Christ must be the center, the Lord. As parents, I can see the temptation of focusing on practical matters, and on the "how to". But you have to go deeper than "how to" and see that Christ holds the key to all of life. It is not by accident that the Bible teaches that God is our Father, Jesus Christ is God's Son, we are God's children, and that we are brothers and sisters in Christ.
Whatever is lacking in your life, your marriage, or your family, whatever sin has taken away or destroyed can be found with God, in Christ, through his spiritual family on earth- the Church. God is the alpha and omega, the beginning and end, the starting point and the finishing line. He is the key to a truly Happy Mother's Day.