I wonder if you saw this picture in the news this past week? It is what remains of a home in Cambodia after a married couple finally had enough of each other. The husband chiseled and sawed off his half of the home and carried it to the other side of the village,as far away from his wife as he could get. (Note to reader- a picture of a home on stilts, sawed in two parts, was shown to the congregation.)
Our homes are torn apart because of failing relationships.
This picture is a metaphor for the single biggest crisis gripping our nation. I defy you to name one thing that devastates our community more than when a home gets torn apart because of failing relationships. Notice that I didn’t just say failed marriages. I said, "failing relationships". It’s not just broken or breaking marriages that are part of the crisis.
•It’s also those marriages that fail to launch. Those relationships where couples live uncommitted to one another for years, even decades. The man is fulfilling his desires while taking no responsibility. The woman is wasting away precious years, hoping against hope to one day get a marriage proposal, while she is often bearing all the responsibilities as if she were a single mother.
•It’s those relationships where the husband or wife slam the door on reconciliation, as each go their own separate ways, pursuingnew partners, replicating their problems in new relationships, and multiplying hardships across many households.
•It’s those relationships where a single person (adult, student, or teenager) allows some manipulative partner to rob them of their virginity.
•It’s those relationships where God’s standards of holiness, purity, and covenant love are repeatedly transgressed. Where sexual boundaries are virtually non-existent. Where one or the other is living for empty pleasures that never quite satisfy, instead of living for the Lord.
Look once more at this picture of this home ripped apart. That home is just as representative of our souls as it is representative of any failing relationship. Failing relationships leave us incomplete, spiritually devastated, and feeling literally "torn" in two.
What does Paul say about the power of the sexual bond?
Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 6:16 (NIV). What does it teach us? "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, 'The two will become one flesh.' "
What exactly is it that happens in sexual relationships? God tells us that sex bonds two people together into one flesh. It’s sort of like using that two-part epoxy glue. Once the two parts are combined together, an inseparable bond is formed. In sexual relationshipstwo souls, two hearts, two minds, and two bodies become indivisibly knit together into one flesh.
Here is the thing. Once that sexual bond has been formed, a part of you is now part of that other person and viceversa. You can never walk away from that relationship without losing a part of yourself. And the other party can never walk away without losing part of themselves. The more people you give yourself away to, the less complete, more broken, andmore empty you become.
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV), "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body."
What is the fallout that occurs when a sexual relationship fails?
What happens when a sexual relationship fails? Two souls are torn apart from one another. As they are torn apart irreversible damage is done to both. This is damage that only God can forgive and heal. The fallout can be physical—STD's, HIV, AIDS, infections, unwanted pregnancy, or abortion.The fallout is also psychological—loss of self-respect, loss of self-esteem, confusion, identity crisis, guilt, or shame. It is emotional—anger, hate, bitterness, depression, jealousy, or envy. It is spiritual—alienation from God, rebellion, seared conscience, loss of character, or doubt. The fallout is also financial—unpaid debt, lawyers, court costs, foreclosure, or bankruptcy. It provokes lawlessness. Domestic violence is highest in failed or failing sexual relationships. Criminal activity is highest in children of failed or failing sexual relationships. When kids no longer respect the morality of theirmothers or fathers,they don’t respect anyone—not their parents, teachers, employers, police officers,neighbors, church, pastors, or not even God himself. Broken relationships create broken people who hurt others.
Do you understand that there isn’t anything worse that you can do to yourself, to your spouse or partner, or even to your kids than to engage in sexual immorality? If you are the ultimate narcissist, you would practice abstinence. You would never subject yourself to the fallout of sexual sin. And those who will preach that message clearest are those who know that pain.
If you truly love someone, you will honor the sexual boundaries that God has created for our protection. The person who asks you to sin, the one who says, "Let’s lie in bed together" or "Let's move in together" or "Let's have a one-night stand" or "Let'sget a room" or "Let's go out after prom", who pressures you, who manipulates you, who demands your virginity outside marriage, or who uses you. . . that person neither loves himself and neither does he love you.
We are to flee from sexual immorality.
Paul says that we are to, "flee from sexual immorality." Sexual immorality is a deal breaker for any relationship. When it comes to sex you don’t play around, you don’t hope for change, you don’t gamble with your soul, but instead you run for your life. The person who wants you to sin sexually has no regard for your soul or for his own. That person will destroy you even ashedestroys himself. Andthis is exactly what is happening in our culture today.
Here is the boundary that God sets in scripture. You can embrace it or break yourself against it. It's your choice. Here is the boundary:remain a virgin until your wedding day. Freely share the gift of your virginity with only one person, for a lifetime, inside the covenant relationship of marriage.
In 1 Corinthians 7 the apostle Paul shares some inconvenient, unspoken wisdom about relationships. I am not going to read 1 Corinthians 7 to you. You can read it yourself. It is perfectly clear. I am, however, going to summarize it. And as I do, I will put some scriptures on the screen for you to read.
Paul's advice to single persons.
Let me speak to the single person. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:1 (NIV),"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry." In1 Corinthians 7:7(NIV) Paul indicates that remaining celibate and single is a spiritual gift, a special spiritual enabling from the Lord. "I wish that all men were as I am (single). But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that."
In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (NIV)Paulexplains how remaining single allows you to have a singular focus on serving God. Instead of worrying about how to please your spouse, you can please God with undivided devotion. "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs— how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world— how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world— how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."In1 Corinthians 7:40Paul says you will be happier if you don’t get married.
If you are a single person you don’t have to feel like a second class citizen in God’s kingdom. Married people are jealous of you. Parents with children are jealous of you. You are free, your life is uncomplicated, and you can serve God in a way that those with marital and parental obligations cannot. Some of the most extraordinary servants in God’s kingdom are single. Keep your head up. Don’t let others foist their expectations on you.
Paul's advise to couples living together.
Let’s me speak to couples who are living together. In 1 Corinthians 7:2 and 1 Corinthians 7:36 you can see that it is God’s will that you avoid sexual immorality— that you stop sinning against yourself and this person you claim to love, but whom you are causing to sin. In 1 Corinthians 7:9 (NIV) he says, "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." In 1 Corinthians 7:36 (NIV)the man is commanded to do what is right, before his partner gets up there in years. "If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married."
Let’s stop lying to ourselves. I have been reading a book called Living Together: Myths, Risksand Answers. Nearly half of all cohabiting couples break up before marriage ever takes place. Of those cohabiting couples who do marry,two thirdsof these relationships end in divorce. Let me say it differently. There is aneighty percentfailure rate. These relationships are built on infatuation, not on commitment, not on covenant love, not on respect, and noton selflessness.
Here is the legacy of cohabitation.Higher rates of depression and domestic violence, extraordinarily higher rates of infidelity, and higher rates of child abuse and sexual abuse. Children born to unmarried couples get expelled from school, are more apt to have babies out of wedlock, and are twenty times more likely to end up in prison. Why is that at retirement, married couples have three to four times the assets of cohabiting couples?
Ladies, do you know who the biggest losers are in cohabiting relationships? You are. That man you are with still considers himself single and available. That is why he hasn’t proposed to you. You are hoping for commitment. He is running from responsibility. Men typically have no problem finding a mate much younger and attractive down the road. And they will leave you if opportunity presents itself.
But you? You are forfeiting the best years of your life. You are spending your youth and beauty on someone who doesn’t respect you enough to marry you. You are bearing children that with eighty percent odds, you will be raising alone as a single mom when your relationship fails. And when the relationship fails, good luck finding a man who wants to marry a middle-aged woman who has lost her virginity, who has a bunch of crying kids, who has developed major trust issues, and whose life is complicated by some bum who takes no responsibility and doesn’t pay child support.
If you are cohabiting tell your partner, "Please move out." If your companion is worth it,he will keep pursuing you andhewill get on his knees with a ring. If not, why are you wasting your life with him?
Paul speaks to those who are married.
Let me speak to those who are married. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NIV) tells us to fulfill our marital duty! "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Enjoy your spouse within the boundary of marriage. Be intimate! Sex is a gift. Use it freely and use it without guilt or shame. However, in 1 Corinthians 7:5 we are warned not to lose our spiritual focus.
If you are married to an unbeliever, don’t sabotage your relationship and cause that person to leave the marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7:14 Paul reminds you that you have a godly influence on your spouse and your children. In 1 Corinthians 7:28 we're reminded that married couples face troubles in this life. In 1 Corinthians 7:29-31 we are reminded to keep an eternal perspective on our relationship and on the things impacting our marriages. In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 we're warned not to be so consumed with pleasing our spouse that we forget to please the Lord. In 1 Corinthians 7:39 we're reminded that we are bonded to our spouse for life, literally unto death.
Paul's words to those who are considering marriage.
Let me speak to those who are considering marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7:16 you are warned not to make marriage a mission field. You do not know if that person will come to the Lord. There is a good chanceshewill not. When you are dating religion is likeone percentof your relationship. It's something thatyou don’t care about. But after you get married, religion becomesninety-five percentof your relationship. It will become the biggest issue in your relationship. For this reason and more, God commands you not to marry an unbeliever.She will take you away from devotion to God.She will be a wet blanket.She will quench the Holy Spirit’s fire in your life. In 1 Corinthians 7:39 Paul says your spouse must belong to Lord.
Paul's words to those who are divorced or separated.
To those of you in failing relationships, divorced or separated,in 1 Corinthians 7:10you are commanded not to separate. If separation occurs 1 Corinthians 7:11 says that you must remain unmarried or else be reconciled. These are your two choices. And if you are the man of the house 1 Corinthians 7:11 says that you should not divorce your wife. You are to be the spiritual leader, the initiator, and the Christ-like redeemer of the relationship. And 1 Corinthians 7:12-13 says that the unbelief of your spouse isn’t an excuse to pursue divorce. However, if your unbelieving spouse leaves, you are no longer bound. And very important, 1 Corinthians 7:15 reminds us that we are called to live in peace. Be a peace maker, not a peace breaker.
1 Corinthians 7:10-15 (NIV) says, "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."
We need to turn the tide in our culture against failing relationships. We need to give dignity and honor to the practice of celibacy and abstinence. We need to unapologetically protect women and young mothers who are most vulnerable in cohabiting relationships. We need to promote reconciliation instead of remarriage. We need to take every opportunity to promote believing, Christ-centered, covenant marriage relationships. We need to flee sexual immorality.