There is nothing more unnerving than walking on ice. On the ice, every step is uncertain. One wrong move and it’s all over. You wipe out! Let’s take a quick congregational poll. Since last November, how many of your have slipped and fallen on the ice? A little while back, I was out spreading ice melt on my driveway. As I heaved a scoop full of ice melt into the air, my feet flipped out from underneath me and I landed flat on my back. Ouch! Is it any wonder that no one has bought the house next door to us?
Life is already hard enough. What we really need is solid footing— complete confidence that when we make a move we’re not going to wipe out and land on our backside. In this series we have been exploring our core values, our DNA, those non-negotiable elements that go to the core of our Christian identity.
Core values that make up a Christian's DNA.
First, we value education. There is no more sure foundation than the word of God. The word of God perfectly reveals God to us through the descriptions ofJesus Christ. The word of God gives us wisdom for daily living and wisdom unto eternal life.
Second, we value exaltation. With so many things clamoring for our affection, we have to evaluate what is really needed or necessary in our lives. Our souls are suffocating from all the busyness. But as we exalt Christ in worship, the stuff of life gets restored to its proper place. And like Mary, we find peace, joy, and contentment.
Third, we value empowerment. We know what it’s like to live in our own power and strength. It's the same old, same old, as flesh gives birth to flesh. Only the Spirit of the living God can work the miracle of transformation in our lives. As the Spirit of God leads us, he changes us from the inside-out. He produces fruit in our lives that cannot be replicated by any other means.
Fourth, we value excellence. The burden of attaining perfection has been lifted by Jesus Christ. On the cross, Jesus became the perfect sacrifice for our sin. In Christ, the righteous requirements of our holy and perfect God have been fully met. Excellence in everything (in faith, in life, in love, and in holy living) is how we say thanks back to God for his perfect gift.
The surest way to wipe out is to reject God’s word andallow the stuff of life to crowd out Christ. The surest way to wipe out is to attempt self-transformation without power of God’s Holy Spirit. The surest way to wipe out isto seek status with God based on our own perfection.
Education keeps us grounded. Exaltation keeps us centered. Empowerment keeps us growing. Excellence frees us to live for God without condemnation or fear of failure.
To encourage is to instill courage in others.
This morning we visit another foundational element of our spiritual DNA. As Christians, we value encouragement. To encourage is to instill courage in others. A few years ago we adopted a Schnauzer that had been rescued from a neglectful owner. When we first met Rock-E he cowered in fear and would tremble in fear. He wouldn’t look directly at us. He wouldn’t take a dog treat from my hand. He was easily startled by the most subtle movements— even by leaves blowing in the wind.
Rock-E has been a joy to have in our house, but he has needed a lot of encouragement to just be a dog. We’ve tried to instill confidence in him that we don’t want to hurt him, that he is safe, that strangers aren’t a threat, that he’ll have food and water every day, and that he can play with and relate with humans. He still cowers and trembles in fear, but not nearly as much as he used to.
To encourage is to provide the vital support that other people need to become fully alive, to become fully human, and to become everything God created them to be. In the world we are easily beaten down, discouraged, and defeated. In the world we experience pain, disappointment, rejection, and injustice. So every one of us needs a vital, life-giving, encouraging support system in order to thrive.
Our families should be vital support systems to us.
One of your most vital support systems should be in your home. It should be your family. There is no more encouraging, more supportive, more redemptive environment than a godly marriage, a godly household, or a godly family. In the same way, there is no more destructive environment than an ungodly marriage, an ungodly household, or an ungodly family.
Part of our DNA as Christians is to cultivate encouraging marriages, encouraging families, and encouraging households that release every family member to reachhis fullest potential in Christ. There are quite a few scriptures that talk about the necessity of cultivating encouraging families.
Godly marriages arethe bedrock of society.
Let’s talk first about godly marriages. Godly marriages are the bedrock of the family unit and the bedrock of society. As goes a marriage, so goes the family. As goes a marriage, so goes society.
In a marriage, it is absolutely critical that both husband and wife encourageeach other’s spiritual growth. There is no greater asset to spiritual formation than a godly spouse with whom you can share the word, worship, grow in God’s grace, pray, serve, give generously, love, and witness. In the best marriages, iron sharpens iron. Both husband and wife spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Both husband and wife are continually raising the bar and are striving for excellence in faith, life, and love.
In an ungodly marriage the husband and/or wife is antagonistic to spiritual growth. There is a blatant disregard for God’s word. Meaning and purpose is found in things, in living for pleasure, in wealth, or in a little bit of everythingexcept Christ. There is very little grace and forgiveness and verylittle prayer. Generosity toward others is virtually non-existent. The bar is getting set lower and lower, conflict is abounding, each one is drawing out the worst in the other, and impurity and ungodliness is settling into the relationship.
It is so vital that both husband and wife encourage one another’s spiritual formation. This is why Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) instructs husbands and wifes to, "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:22 (NIV) says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." And Ephesians 5:25-27 (NIV) tells us, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for herto make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
A godly marriage will make both parties more holy.
Ephesians 5 describes a marriage in which the husband loves his wife in such a way that she becomes more holy. She is being cleansed through the word of God and is being beautified in Christ such that she is radiant, without stain or wrinkle orany other blemish, but is holy and blameless before the Lord!
I was at the mall recently, standing in line to buy a schnauzer calendar for Lara. In front of me was a young couple. She was gazing at his face affectionately, and smiling. He was staring off into space, oblivious to his girlfriend’s affection. I looked down and noticed that the young lady was buying smutty calendars— presumably for him. I wondered if that was his idea or her idea. I wondered if she felt she had to do that to win over his acceptance. And I wondered what kind of thug makes his wife or girlfriend buy smutty calendars for him or even needs a smutty calendar to feel like a man?
Smut doesn’t enhance a marriage. Smut doesn’t draw out the best in your wife. It doesn’t instill confidence and beauty in her. It doesn’t cleanse her and make her radiant and holy. It degrades her, it objectifies her, it poisons both of you, and it ruins your soul.
Forming a godly marriage must be a top priority for both husband and wife. Now if you are married to an unbelieving spouse, the Bible instructs you to remain in that situation and to be a godly influence to him. Pray. Ask for a double measure of God’s grace. But if you are a single person, the Bible commands you never to marry an unbeliever. An unbelieverwill antagonize, frustrate, impede, and dull your spiritual edge. And when you have children,the unbelieverwill hinder your children from becoming godly. And not a day will pass in which you won’t grieve overhis salvation.
Godly children are a product of godly marriages.
Let’s turn our attention to children for a moment. There are few exceptions to this rule: Godly marriages produce godly offspring, but ungodly marriages produce ungodly offspring. Satan’s strategy for destroying children is to first destroy the marriage.
In Colossians 3:18-21 (NIV) we find some important instructions for families."Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."
In Ephesians 6:4 (NIV) we find a similar instruction."Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
The words exasperate and embitterare the same Greek word in both of these passages. It carries the idea of stirring up, provoking, irritating, or inciting a child to do wrong. It takes extraordinary patience and gentleness to parent well and to keep a child encouraged.
As a parent, there is always the temptation to take shortcuts when you see a fault in your child. When you see his faults you may feel embarrassed, you may feel angry or offended, or you may feel that whathe's doing poorly reflects on your character and family name. You’re the hardest on your children in those areas where they are becoming just like you.
It’s so important thatwhen you correct your child that the child sense your character, your integrity, your self-control, your love for Christ, your love for him, and your deep acceptance. Your goal is to encouragehis growth, not beathim down and discourage him!
When your child messes up, it’s also important that you show grace and forgiveness— remembering that she cannotgive you perfectionany more than you can give your heavenly Father perfection. Like you,she will continually sin and fall short of your expectations. What your child can give you, however, is excellence. Butshewill only give you excellence if you’ve cultivatedher respect and trust. If you blow up, lose your composure, berate her, scold, are harsh, disciplineherinconsistently or never follow through, shewill rebel.
You want to encourage your family to develop and grow spiritually.
You should have the same goal for your marriage as you do for your children— to encourage spiritual growth! Your desire should be to raise the bar andto spur your family toward love and good deeds. To do this, you need to be intentional.
I would encourage you to identify those marriages and families in this church that are inspiring godliness. Get to know them, ask questions, and imitate them. Learn how they pray together, how they study the word, how they worship, how they spur one another on, how they exercise discipline, how they build one another up in Christ, how they handle conflict, how they manage adversity, and how they communicate.
I end with this reminder stated once again. One of our most vital support systems should be in our homes. It should be our families. There is no more encouraging, more supportive, or more redemptive environment than a godly marriage, a godly household, and a godly family. It must be part of ourChristian DNA that we forge such families.