The seventh commandment is "thou shall not commit adultery." Intuitively, we know what this command is all about. Of all people, we must value marriage, protect marriages, fortify marriages. We're to be encouraging and optimistic about all God intends marriage to be. We're to be marriage builders, not marriage wreckers. We're to be just as zealous for our own fidelity, as that of others. God wants his people to elevate marriage.
Sometimes as a pastor I feel I'm a marriage cheerleader. Most everywhere a couple turns their told, "It's not worth it... give up." Someone's spoke to their parents, their friend, a coworker, a person at the bar... and everyone is saying same thing. I can't tell you how many late nights I've had, saying to couples, "Come on... stay together... work it out... forgive... be forgiven... there's hope... in Christ your best years are still ahead of you."
Nowadays, marriage (especially life-long marriage) is a tough sell. In Jesus day, people had heavy consciences. They were looking to religious experts, and Teachers of the Law, for reasons to justify themselves before God, and get out of their marriages! Their attitude was, "here's why my marriage shouldn't be..." So they had lists. [ i.e. If you're wife offended you, if you didn't find her desirable, if she burnt your toast... you could write her a certificate of divorce...]
What I find fascinating is that while people wanted to discuss grounds for divorce/separation, Jesus kept shifting the conversation back to marriage. Over and over, Jesus affirmed God intention for marriage... it's that you'd be one, one, one...
In Matthew 19:4-6 he says, "Haven't you read. . . that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
The seventh command should force us to put the conversation about "oneness" on the front burner. Here is the good. Here is what God's desires. Here is his plan. Let's go all the way back to Genesis, to creation, to the garden, to Adam and Eve, to the first marriage ceremony. Jesus changed the conversation from separation to oneness.
[IF SINGLE... Marital "oneness" doesn't mean "wholeness"... i.e. ‘you complete me']
You know, people were pretty relentless with Jesus. Here he was talking about the beauty and oneness of marriage, and what did they want to talk about? They demanded to know, "when is a person justified to divorce?" They even invoked Moses, "Didn't Moses permits a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
Jesus responds in two ways. Once again, he shifts the conversation from separation to oneness. He says, "Guys... It wasn't this way from the beginning." In other words, divorce was never God's plan. But then Jesus shifts the conversation from technicalities to the heart. He says, "Moses permitted you to divorce because your hearts were hard." (Mt 19:8).
Picture this. It's 1996. I'm engaged to Lara. I'm finishing up my senior year of Bible College. I know how to translate Biblical Greek, exegete Scripture, and write sermons. I started preaching in a small, rural church... when the phone rings. Couples from the community we're calling, because they wanted me to marry them!
So I would sit down with them and explain the Scriptures. I'd talk about God's purpose in marriage. I'd talk about Christian sexuality and purity and ask them to trust God. If one of them were committing adultery, I'd urge them to be reconciled to their spouses, and not continue down their path. If they were living together, I'd explore ways for them to abstain from intimacy until after wedding, and honor God. If there was unhealthy/toxic dynamics, I'd try to confront the issues. If they were remarrying, we'd explore Biblical grounds for remarriage, and I'd try offer guidance. Many times, these couples would just look at me like I was a space alien, and they'd shake their heads. And I remember agonizing in prayer about the whole matter.
What I wasn't prepared to deal with was the heart. What do you do when a person's heart is hard? When someone doesn't want what God' wants? In Mt 19, Jesus rather soberly tells his disciples, "Not everyone can accept God's word." Moses wrote certificates of divorce. But you know, it's always so clear how to proceed in a situation when a person's heart is hard. Sometimes, like Rich Young Ruler, people just walk away sad, not accepting God's words. We can't control people, only invite...
But I've pointed out that Jesus shifted the conversation from technicalities to the heart. The seventh command is, "Do not commit adultery." Our temptation is to ask, "well, what technically is adultery?" Jesus takes the conversation right to the heart. Matthew 6:27-30, "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.' 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."
This past week I started thinking how our culture looks at desire itself. First, we feel compelled to entertain our desires. We see them as innocent pleasures. We say to ourselves, "what's the harm in entertaining a thought, idea, or feeling so long as I keep it to myself." And so we look, then we look again, we let our eyes, our thoughts, wander about. Jesus is suggesting that we start by looking at the heart itself... Matthew 15:19, "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, and slander. These are what defile a man..."
Second, we feel compelled to explore our desires. Our entertainment industry drives this notion into our psyche, that we must explore, and satisfy our curiosity about a desire. Explore this kind of attraction, or that kind of attraction. Venture out, open the door, get in proximity to the danger. Exploration has become a virtue in our culture. Throw caution to the wind, throw out all inhibition, explore your desires. Were made to believe our desires (no matter how adulterous, lustful, greedy, self-centered, dark) will lead us to wholeness, to freedom, to true happiness.
Third, we feel compelled to justify our desires. Self-deception is when you have fed, cultivated desire so deeply you've convinced yourself that desire is from God. You say, "How could this be so wrong if it feels so right..." Or maybe you say, "This thing must be of God... it must be God's will..."
Fourth, we feel compelled to obey our desires. I think of Romans 6:12 which says, "Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires." Its funny how quickly our desires come to govern us, and sway us. Jesus says its better that you gouge your eye out, or cut off your hand, than you allow your whole body to obey its cravings/desires. Eph 2... "gratifying and following desires/thoughts...."
Last, we believe manage our desires. Desires are always more powerful than we could ever imagine. I grew up near the Kankakee River; my Aunt/Uncle lived right on the river. Funny thing about river... is its deceptively treacherous. In many places is knee deep, guys walk along fishing, etc. But then take another step, and there are these underwater channels, strong undertow, guys get sucked beneath water, find bodies days later. There are warnings everywhere, but guys assume handle undertow.
The Bible says nothing of "managing desires"... it says we must be "rescued" from the dominion/power of darkness. The better strategy is to accept commandment!
What is seventh commandment asking of us? WHOLENESS in GOD. ONENESS in Marriage. SURRENDERED HEART...