Living the Laws of Love: Honor Your Parents
Texts: Exodus 20:12, Deuteronomy 5:16, Matthew 15:4, Ephesians 6:1-3
When my son-in-law asked me to preach on this text today, I agreedand asked for onlyone condition. I noted that if Jon could change the order in which he would preach on these ten commandments or laws of love, I could take some liberty with the text and preach on, "Honor your father-in-law and your mother-in-law." I realize that would do no good since my son-in-law is not here to hear it! (Note to reader: Don Green is the father-in-law to Jon Morrissette, preaching minister.)
This text has such a ring of familiarity to it that that I wonder if the ancient proverb rings true, "familiarity breeds contempt." Maybe we have heard this law of love, "honor your father and your mother" so often and have known it for so longthat it generates a "ho hum" response. If that’s true, that’s dangerous.
Have you ever considered the contrast between the words kids often hear with the words kids need to hear? For instance, kids often hear the following statements. "Go ask your mother." "Wait till your father gets home." "I’m busy right now." "When I was your age I used to walk to school uphill both ways in the winter in two feet of snow." "Sure you did, Dad."
In his book Words Kids Need to Hear: To Help Them Be Who God Made Them to Be David Staal shares some important but often unspoken words that parents need to say to their children. "I believe in you." "You can count on me." "I treasure you." "I’m sorry, please forgive me." "No." "I love you." And we could add to his list these words from scripture found in Exodus 20:12 (NIV). "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."
We often overlook the fact that when Jesus quotes this command in Matthew 15:4 (NIV) he couples it with Exodus 21:17 (NIV) which says, "Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death." This is serious business. A simplistic application of the text would say, "Since we don’t impose the death penalty for disrespect of parents, if you want a shortened life or a troubled life go ahead and disrespect your parents. Just try it." But I would rather focus on the positive. In order to live life to the fullest, life as it was intended, and life for which we were created, you should honor your parents.
What are practical reasons to honor your father and mother?
To get at what this text means, let’s ask some typical kid questions about obeying and living this law of love. Kids always want to know why. Why? Kids are notorious for asking why. There are two reasons that parents almost always give for what they ask their children to do.
First, we could easily create the conversation that would go something like this. "Why do I have to do that?" Or , "Why do I have to obey Mom?" And after parents have exhausted ever plausible reason, they pull the trump card to stop the conversation. "Because I said so." When parents have exhausted all other explanations that’s the king of spades.
But from my experience, nothing trumps that except this reason. Because God says so. That puts my saying so in perspective. Note what is stated in Deuteronomy 5:16 (NIV) when this law is given the second time,"as theLORD your God has commanded you." And when Jesus introduces this law in Matthew 15:4 (NIV) he prefaces it by saying, "For God said...."
Second, there is another thing you can expect to hear parents say when kids ask the "why" question. I heard it often from my father and I said it often as a father. The conversation would often go like this. "Do your chores." "Why?" "It’s good for you." "Take your medicine." "Why?" "It’s good for you." "Take your punishment." "Why?" "It’s good for you." Often Dad would add, "Someday you will thank me for this." I am thinking to myself, "Sure I will." It’s one thing to assume that father knows best, but it is something else to know that your heavenly Father who knows you best loves you most. The God who created us knows what’s best for us.
No wonder Paul calls this law of love to honor your father and mother,"the first commandment with a promise" in Ephesians 6:2 (NIV). TherePaul provides his commentary on the original promise in Exodus 20:12 (NIV), "so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." And its variation in Deuteronomy 5:16 (NIV) is, "so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you." Paul states the promise this way in Ephesians 6:3 (NIV), "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." As a general principle, living this law of love is a key to fulfillment in life.
How? Kids not only want to know why,they also want to know how.
How are we to honor our parents? Scripture cites several ways. First, in a culture of disrespect, in spite of their imperfections, respect your parents. A growing crisis of our American culture is parent abuse. We are more familiar with child abuse, but there are children who act in abusive ways toward their parents. In a culture that promotes disrespect of authority of all kinds to authority figures such asteachers, policemen, and parents, we are called to respect our parents.You don’t have to watch the "Simpsons" or "The Family Guy" or reruns of "Married with Children" to see children disrespecting parents. Take a walk through your neighborhood or listen to some conversations at the mall. Disrespect is rampant.
We learn the lessons of life and how to live the laws of love in the laboratory of home. That’s why Paul says in Ephesians 6:1 (NIV), "Children, obey your parents..." The reason so few children have a healthy respect for God is that they have not learned to respect others by respecting their parents.
Second, we show respect in practical ways. In a throw-away culture, for as long as you can as much as you can, care for your parents. Another crisis of our culture is elder abuse. A half a million cases are reported to authorities each year and it is estimated that millions more go unreported.
My wife has learned this lesson and models it well with her ninety-seven year-old mother who is now in a nursing home. Until she fell and broke her arm in January, she still lived in her own apartment at the Christian Village. Margaret describes her role at this season of her life as, "parenting your parents." We remind Lara and Jon that she’s modeling how they are to take care of their parents when we are old.
Somewhere Margaret learned to live the law of love as taught in 1 Timothy 5:8 (NIV). "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." We can apply that concept in various ways. But in our throw-away society where it far too easy to cast off the elderly, we need to practice Leviticus 19:32 (NIV). "Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God."
If necessary, reject your parents.
Finally, we need to address the flip side of respectyour parents.In a culture of superficial Christianity, if necessary, you must reject your parents. I need to explain this as it applies to adults. Christians in other cultures know what I mean by this. Some of you here have learned this lesson. It has cost you something to be Christian. We are to live this law of love in light of a higher law of love. We are to hold to, "Honor your father and your mother" in tension with the hard sayings of Jesus in the gospels.
Consider this hard saying in Matthew 10:35-37 (NIV). "For I have come to turn 'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law— a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.' Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me..."
If that’s not hard enough try this one from Luke 14:26 (NIV). "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple." This call to discipleship would have been clearly understood in the first century culture. It compares to the Greek philosophical tradition dating back to Socrates that in the name of a single-minded devotion to truth, one would willingly devalue family loyalties and concern for one’s own life and its needs.
This hard saying says more about Jesus than it says about us. It is a bold declaration of his identity and his deity, because only God deserves higher place of honor than one’s father and mother. All-out devotion to Jesus is what is demanded of a Christ follower in a culture where it is easy to wear the name Christian without the cost of commitment. In practical terms, that means that if your parents are standing in the way of you following Christ, you choose to obey Jesus rather than obey them.
In my rather simple way of thinking I have concluded that regardless of the religious heritage of your parents, the best way to honor your parents is to pursue Jesus Christ. Doing so will make you a better son or daughter, a better parentand grandparent, and a more useful member of your community. In addition, it will give you the greatest opportunity for the best of life and the greatest hope for the future.
Honor your parents because God says so and because it’s good for you. But it is not just so you can live long and well on earth. To follow Jesus is to have life—real life, eternal life, and abundant life. It is so you can live eternally.
Wisdom of our fathers.
Quite often Lara buys me a book for Father’s Day. She knows how much her mother likes to shop and how much I get to read. This is the book she bought me last year, Tim’s Russert’s Wisdom of Our Fathers. Following his number one New York Times bestseller Big Russ and Me, Tim received over 60,000 letters from readers who wanted to share the stories of their fathers. A year ago he was on the talk show circuit promoting his second book which shares many of those stories. But today the moderator’s chair on "Meet the Press" is empty following Tim's untimelydeath this past week at the age of 58.
Many of us know how loudly the empty chair speaks. We used to have Father’s Day gatherings at home, but our fathers and mothers have passed. Time is so fleeting and life is so short. This week as you hear eulogies of Tim Russert, he will be extolled as one who could spar with presidents and politicians and as one who would take on the movers and shakers of the world of business and finance. But you will also hear of a son who honored his father. Russert said of his father, "He never preached a sermon; he lived one." It was from the example of his father, a sanitation worker from Buffalo, New York, that Tim Russert learned the lessons of life. "Work hard, laugh often, and keep your honor."
The question for the children among us today is, "How will you honor your parents?" And the question for the parents among us is, "How will you live in such a way that God gets the ultimate honor?" Regardless of your situation, will you live in such a way that your life leads children and parents to follow Jesus?
Here’s a song that says it well. It is titled "I Want To Be Just Like You", by Phillips, Craig and Dean (Lifeline).
He climbs in my lap for a goodnight hug.
He calls me dad and I call him "Bub".
With a faded old pillow and a bear named ''Pooh'',
He snuggles up close and says, "I wanna be like you."
I tuck him in bed and I kiss him goodnight,
Trippin’ over the toys as I turn out the light.
And I whisper a prayer that someday he’ll see,
He’s got a father in God 'cause he’s seen Jesus in me.
Lord I want to be just like you 'cause he wants to be just like me.
I want to be a holy example for his innocent eyes to see.
Help me be a living Bible, Lord, that my little boy can read.
I wanna be just like you 'cause he wants to be like me.
I’ve got to admit I’ve got so far to go,
Make so many mistakes and I’m sure that you know.
Sometimes it seems no matter how hard I try,
With all the pressures in life, I just can’t get it all right.
But I’m trying so hard to learn from the best,
Being patient and kind, filled with your tenderness.
Cause I know that he’ll learn from the things that he sees.
And the Jesus he finds will be the Jesus in me.
Lord I want to be just like you 'cause he wants to be just like me.
I want to be a holy example for his innocent eyes to see.
Help me be a living Bible, Lord, that my little boy can read.
I wanna be just like you 'cause he wants to be like me.
Right now from where he stands I may seem mighty tall,
But it’s only 'cause I’m learning from the best father of them all.
Lord I want to be just like you 'cause he wants to be just like me.
I want to be a holy example for his innocent eyes to see.
Help me be a living Bible, Lord, that my little boy can read.
I wanna be just like you 'cause he wants to be like me.
I want to be just like you 'cause he wants to be like me.