The people you are closest to often hurt you the most.
We all get damaged by people. Isn't it true that the people with whom you have the closest relationships often hurt you the most? It's one thing for an enemy to hurt you. But when it's your spouse, or your child, or your parent, or a friend... those wounds cut the deepest. The people closest to you are the hardest to forgive because you are around them every day. You see their faces, hear their words, and are impacted by their actions daily.
Most people retreat to the safety and peace of their home. But when your home is the battleground and there is no place for retreat, the fighting escalates quickly.
Sometimes it's not family, but a stranger who hurts you. It may be a ruthless competitor who steals your clients. A school or workplace bully threatens you. The scenarios are endless.
Offenses come in the form of misdemeanors, felonies, and atrocities.
We can all absorb a certain level of offense from others. Perhaps we could refer to most offenses as misdemeanors. We wouldn't get very far in life if our overall disposition toward others wasn't one of grace, right? The Bible says that love covers over a multitude of sin. It says that a wise man overlooks an insult. The Bible tells us to repay evil with good and to go the extra mile. Misdemeanors mostly demand patience.
But now and then something happens that you cannot absorb. There are misdemeanors, but then there are felonies. A marriage vow is betrayed. A caregiver or health provider or employer is negligent. Someone violates your purity and innocence. A car veers out of control, and a life is changed forever. Did you ever notice how your anger increases proportionally according to the level of the offense?
Beyond felonies, there are crimes against humanity and atrocities. In Jonah 1:2 (NIV) the Lord commands Jonah to, "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me." We're talking about the capital of the Babylonian empire, one of the most ruthless and brutal regimes that's ever existed on the earth. They did unspeakable evils-- things you wouldn't even do to a bug, much less an animal or human being. With atrocities come not just offense, nor anger, but rage.
Why did Jonah run?
When we read in Jonah 1:3 how Jonah fled to Tarshish, thousands of miles from where God commanded him to go, we have to ask why? Why did he run? One possibility was that Jonah feared for his life. I mean, wouldn't you be afraid? We'd all like to believe ourselves to be courageous, but few of us would be that courageous.
Jonah's deeper reason for running isn't mentioned until
Jonah 4:2-3 (NIV). He says,
"O Lord, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, O Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live."
Sounds like a pretty good definition of rage to me! You are so spitting mad and angry that you'd just as soon die than see any mercy come to those who've hurt you. The very last thing Jonah wanted to see God do was to show mercy to the Babylonian empire. That's just what God did! I'm not going to judge Jonah for feeling those emotions.
Some people feel rage at the slightest offense. A while back, I went in person to pay my property taxes. At the same time, a man was paying his taxes in cash. The teller accidentally handed me the other guy's receipt. Before I could even glance at the paper and notice her mistake, the guy launched on me, threatening me and swearing at me. His mouth was so filthy, I thought about punching him. But the Holy Spirit took control, and I walked away! That other guy had a short trigger! I didn't have the heart to tell him that if I really wanted to know his business, it's all posted online!
Even more people feel rage at the committal of a felony. But who doesn't feel rage at the crimes against humanity level? Did you not feel a twinge of rage at that Connecticut shooter taking so many young lives? Don't sweat it. This isn't a sermon on gun control. Did you not feel a twinge of rage seeing commercial airliners crash into the twin towers on 911? What cruelty must Jonah have experienced at the hands of the Ninevites that he'd rather die than see God forgive them? He'd rather die than live with the possibility, much less the reality, of God showing Nineveh mercy.
What if God wants to forgive someone you'd rather hate?
Listen to what happened in Nineveh as Jonah preached. Jonah 3:1-10 (NIV) says, "Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time; 'Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you.' Jonah obeyed the word of the Lord and went to Nineveh. Now Nineveh was a very important city-- a visit required three days. On the first day, Jonah started into the city. He proclaimed: 'Forty more days and Nineveh will be overturned.' The Ninevites believed God. They declared a fast, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth. When the news reached the king of Nineveh, he rose from his throne, took off his royal robes, covered himself with sackcloth and sat down in the dust. Then he issued a proclamation in Nineveh: 'By the decree of the kind and his nobles: Do not let any man or beast, herd or flock, taste anything; do not let them eat or drink. But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth. Let every one call urgently on God. Let them give up their evil ways and their violence. Who knows? God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish.' When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened."
What if God wants to forgive someone you'd rather hate? Someone you'd rather that God destroy? We can play church all day long, and we can sing about the mercy of God, but
Jonah 3:10 is what God is all about, and that is no easy thing to personally accept.
If you are angry, this preacher isn't going to patronize you. But at least allow me to pastor you. In Jonah 4:2 (NIV) Jonah says, "O Lord, is this not what I said when I was still at home?" Don't read over those words too quickly. You can fault Jonah for his rage. You can fault him for running from God and for jeopardizing the lives of sailors who had no idea that Jonah was running from the living God. You can fault Jonah for being a reluctant preacher and for being more concerned about his life and his comfort than the destiny of one hundred and twenty thousand people who didn't know their right hand from their left.
Jonah was totally honest in his prayer to God, and he never stopped praying.
But you cannot fault Jonah his honesty in prayer, his sheer audacity when he prayed, "God I know this is what you want. I know this is who you are, but I'd rather die than see you forgive them." People freak out when you say politically incorrect things. The speech police come and arrest you. Well, not God.
You can confess your anger, your rage, your racism, your thirst for vengeance, or your darkest thoughts to God. Jonah started praying to God before he ever got on that ship for Tarshish. And you know what? He never stopped praying. He didn't stop praying when he was on the run, when he was in the boat, when he was in the sea, or when he was in the belly of the whale. He didn't stop praying as he was vomited unto dry land, when he was on the shore, when he was on the way to Nineveh, and when he was in Nineveh or outside of Nineveh. He never stopped praying.
And God never suppressed Jonah's honesty. But what does God do with our honest prayers? He walks with us from wrath to grace, from unforgiveness to forgiveness, and from death to life. He dialogues with us. He both weathers our rage and patiently loves us through our rage.
Did you notice that God never struck Jonah dead? God kept on teaching Jonah and kept on giving him extravagant object lessons. This is exactly what God does with each of us, should his forgiveness be too marvelous for us to stomach. If you are angry, read the story of Jonah this week. It's four chapters in the Bible. It's short. But I want to leave you with some thoughts about forgiveness.
Some thoughts about forgiveness.
1) It's never too early to begin praying about how you feel. Start praying now.
2) Confess your darkest thoughts and feelings to God. Christian people will often scold you and say, "You can't pray that." But a lot of Christian people don't read their Bibles. And those who do read their Bibles often don't read them carefully. If you are so angry that you'd rather die, take the matter up with God. Let him talk to you.
3) God shows mercy on whomever he wants to show mercy. That's his business. God is right, and has a right to be concerned not just about one hundred thousand people, but about the billions of people who don't know him.
3) God is patient with unmerciful people. God could have killed Jonah by drowning him. He could have killed Jonah in the belly of the whale. He could have killed Jonah on the shoreline in a cesspool of vomit and seaweed. God could have killed Jonah at the hands of the Ninevites. He could have baked Jonah's bald head. But instead, God showed Jonah far more mercy than he deserved. I suspect that God will show mercy to us as well, as we learn to forgive.
4) Only one thing is harder for God than forgiving. Do you know what that is? Destroying that which he loves. It harder for us to forgive than to destroy. But for God, it's harder to destroy than to forgive. Forgiving is the hardest thing you'll ever do.
5) Repentance is the only way to be forgiven. The whole city of Nineveh repented, and God relented. And Jonah? I think Jonah repented too. Who else do you think wrote the book of
Jonah? The book of Jonah is Jonah's confession of his sin of not forgiving those who God was forgiving. Who else would have known all the details?
6) Don't get hung up on the whale. I invited a person to church recently and the person said, "Your church isn't one of those churches where people believe a man survived in the belly of a whale three days, is it?"
Did you know that in Jesus' day, people had a hard time believing the story of Jonah? So how did Jesus respond to his skeptics? He said, " If you think three days in the belly of the whale is miraculous, wait until you see the Son of Man crucified, buried, and raised on the third day." See Matthew 12:39-40. If you don't have a problem believing in the resurrection, why get hung up about a silly whale? Keeping Jonah alive was nothing compared to raising Christ from the earth.
Jesus did what Jonah struggled to do.
Which brings me to a final point. Jesus willingly did what Jonah struggled to do. Jesus has willingly done what you and I will struggle to do.
Jonah ran, but Jesus never did. Jonah was reluctant to preach, but Jesus came to preach. Jonah was happy to condemn, but Jesus came not to condemn, but to save. Jonah wasn't willing to die, but Jesus willingly died. Jonah couldn't believe that he lived three days in a belly of whale, while all of Jerusalem couldn't believe that Jesus was buried in the heart of the earth and raised on the third day.
Jonah was disturbed about the repentance of a city, but Jesus wept and prayed over the city, seeking its repentance and belief. Jonah sat in comfort under a tree, but Jesus hung crucified on a tree. Jonah was mad that a worm came and ate his vine, but for the joy set before him, Christ endured the cross and its shame, and became like a worm. He did all this so that man would not die, but repent and be forgiven.
Isn't it great that God has chosen not to treat us as our sins deserve? Isn't it great that God has chosen not to treat others as objects of his wrath? I know! I know! It's infuriating. It feels unjust. It feels unfair. God's grace can enrage us just as quickly as it can bless us! But friends, just keep praying through it all. Let God contend with your spirit. Let God himself be your teacher, not man. Learn to forgive as you have been forgiven. And remember, the key word is learn. It's a process. It takes time. It's not immediate. It's messy. It's infuriating. It's liberating. It's scary. There are no guarantees.
But in the words of the king of Nineveh in
Jonah 3:9-10 (NIV),
"Let every one call urgently on God. Let them give up their evil ways and their violence. Who knows? God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish."