Last week archaeologists in Italy discovered the remains of a couple buried five or six thousand years ago. Mysteriously, the couple died in an "eternal embrace", hugging each other. The couple died at a young age. Archaeologists were completely amazed by the one-of-kind discovery. And they couldn’t have asked for better timing than around Valentine's Day. (Reuters News, 2/6/07, "Eternal Embrace? Couples still hugging 5,000 years on.")
Valentine's Day is all about celebrating true love.Guys, consider this a friendly reminder. The clock is ticking andtime is running out. Wednesday night is the night!We'll be thinking about some aspects of true love today. Listed below are several questions about love. In fact, these are great questions.Why not write them down and take a shot at them?
- Whatis true love?
- Whatdoes it look like?
- Wherecan we find it?
- Whatmakes true love last an eternity?
- Has true love passed me by?
- Is true loveonly for a husband and wife?
This week I began reading James2 with Valentine's Day in mind. In these verses James offers a revolutionary, if not eye-opening understanding of love. It is true that marriage is the most intimate of all relationships. There is a reason that God has reserved sexual intimacy as a gift to be shared exclusively between husband and wife. But love is not to be confused with sexual intimacy. The Bible says that love is to permeate every relationship. Love makes a happy marriage, but it also makes a healthy family, a vital church, a harmonious workplace, and a better world.
Love is the essence of life. We are most fully human and most fully alive when we love one another. The Bible tells us that God is love and that those who truly love God, demonstrate love. They don't demonstrate love with empty words and good intentions, but with action. And this love isn’t just limited to friends. In Luke 6:27 (NIV) Jesus says, "But I tell you who hear me:Loveyour enemies, do good to those who hate you." The principles we will talk this morning about apply to all of life’s relationships.
In your outline I have written four questions to guide us through our text this morning. I am praying that you will take these questions to heart and really pray about them.
First, are we really interested in true love, or in something less?
Listen to the words of James 2:2-4 (NIV). "Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, 'Here’s a good seat for you,' but say to the poor man, 'You stand there' or 'Sit on the floor by my feet,' have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?"
In these verses James is pointing out our tendency to favor some people while discriminating against others. What is most outrageous about this favoritism and discrimination is the fact that it is based on appearance and external things. The rich man gets special attention. "He is wearing fine clothes. He has a gold ring. He’s attractive. He’s got influence. He’s got the means to do something for me. But the poor man? He’s got shabby clothes. He’s got holes in his shoes. He’s missing teeth. Did you notice that odor? He’s got nothing to offer me personally. He can take a seat on the floor next to my stinky feet."
Are we really interested in true love, or in something less? As you can see, I’ve called this sermon "Love Beyond Skin Deep." The reason? For many, love is physical attraction, a feeling or emotion, a superficial impression, or a snap judgment. "This person has something to offer me." This understanding of love has been impressed upon us from an early age. But love that shows favoritism and love that discriminates is not love at all. It's something less.
Our problem is that our definition of love is too narrow, too shallow, and too easy. Our love isn’t wide enough to embrace people from everywhere around the world. Our love isn’t deep enough to find value and worth in every humanwho has been created in the image of God. Our love doesn’t cost us anything. It's too easy. It would rather be served than to serve. It would rather take and receive than to give. It is self-absorbed. Our love judges and discriminates with evil thoughts and with evil motive.
Are we willing to embrace people who are different than us? People who are less fortunate, less attractive, or less intelligent? Are we willing to assign value and dignity to every person created in God’s image? Even people we don’t like, people who offend us, or people who hurt us? Are we willing to put others first and serve them? Even when they have nothing to give in return?Are we really interested in true love, or in something less? It’s not an easy question.
Second, are we being blinded by emotion or desire from seeing the truth?
James 2:4 (NIV) ended with James asking, "…have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?" James 2:5-7 (NIV) continues, "Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong?"
Love that is skin deep, and skin deep only, can be rather blind. Galatians 2:6 (NIV) tells us “God doesnotjudge by external appearance…" Other verses, like Acts 15:8 (NIV) tell us that “God whoknows the heart…” Why do we assign so much weight to external appearance? What is more important to you-- that a person has warm charisma or that he lives lifeby goodcharacter? What is more important to you-- that a person is attractive or that they’re deeply devoted to Christ? That a person dresses for success or that they’ve been clothed with Christ?
When we're carried away with emotion and evil desires, we tend to ignore reality. I see this with a lot of young couples who have fallen in love. A young man is taking advantage of a young lady. Her family is warning her. Her friends are warning her. The young man is dishonest, irresponsible, and self-absorbed, but so incredibly cute.
There is this quote that I share with couples in premarital counseling. "In courtship they sleep, but in marriage they wake.” James is telling us here to wake up! Take off the rose colored glasses. Stop being seduced by evil desires and external appearances. See what God sees!
Are we being blinded by emotion or desire from seeing the truth? The people we love are a lot like onions. We're afraid that if we start peeling off the layers, we’ll be reduced to tears. But we must peel off the layers. We must get beyond skin deep. We must discern the character of a man or a woman. What matters most is that people become rich in faith andthat they inherit the kingdom that Christ has promised to those who love him. What matters most is that we love one another, that we not exploit one another for selfish gain, and that we not slander God. Don’t assign so much weight to externals that get ambushed by the internals. Ask the tough questions. Call people to an accountable and holy life.
Third, are we keeping the royal law of love found in scripture?
James 2:8 (NIV) says, "If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, 'Love your neighbor as yourself,' you are doing right."
Here is where the real paradigm shift takes place. The evil heart judges people based on its own desires. The evil heart looks at people and says, "What can this person do for me? What can this person give me? How can this person satisfy my desires?" The heart filled with true love,God's love,looks at people and says, "If I were that person how would I want to be treated? How would I want to be spoken to? How would I want to be respected? How would I want to be served?"
How do you know when you’re really interested in true love and not something less? It's when you can stop looking at another person as an object of your desires and start seeing them as an object of God’s love. It's when you can love them as much as you love yourself.
What does the Bible say about love in Ephesians 5:25-33 (NIV)?
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for herto make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
People are an occasion for service, not an occasion for self-advancement or for gratifying evil desires. You want people to notice you. You want people to value you. You want people to understand you and forgive you. You want people to build into your life. You want people to serve you instead of being self-centered. The real test of whether you have found true love is not whether you’ve found a person who serves you. It's whether you are being a person who serves others. It's whether you are choosing to love others as God loves you!
James 2:8 (NIV), "If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, 'Love your neighbor as yourself,' you are doing right."
Fourth, are we keeping our ultimate destiny in perspective?
James 2:8-13 (NIV) says, “If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, 'Love your neighbor as yourself, you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, 'Do not commit adultery,' also said, 'Do not murder.' If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker. Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!"
You hear a lot these days about destiny. We feel that our destiny is to fall in love with another. Our destiny is that chance encounter with that one person who we’ll automatically love. I have a couple of thoughts about this. First, the love God calls us to is not primarily a matter of passion, emotion, or intuition. It's not that we don’t feel deep affection for others. It's that deep affection cannot sustain a relationship. Our emotions change and fluctuate like the wind. One moment we feel strongly for someone, but the next moment there are doubts, insecurities, reservations, and questions. Love isn’t a matter of sheer destiny. When the feelings wear off, we wonder if this person or group of people are really the ones God’s called us to love.
Love is primarily a matter of obedience.
I know this doesn’t sound very romantic, but love is primarily a matter of obedience. Love is a choice. We choose who to love. You don’t feel like loving your neighbor as yourself, but you choose to. You don’t feel like serving others, but you choose to! And why? Because you love God! Because you want to honor him in all you do and say! The love that God calls us to is not primarily a matter of passion, emotion, or intuition. The love that God calls us to is a long obedience of choosing what’s best for others. It's for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health. It'sunto death.
Let me also say this. True love must learn what it means to show mercy. It easy to fall in love with perfection. Loving perfection is effortless. On one level, loving God should be effortless. God is perfect! He is holy! He is without sin. But loving fellow human beings is an altogether different matter. We fall short of the glory of God. We are sinners. There is no one righteous, not even one. Our hearts are deceitful. We are full of evil desires that war against our souls. We hurt others. The only way to truly love someone is to learn what it means to show mercy. Mercy and forgiveness gives the imperfect people around you space to grow.
Part of loving others is giving them the same kind of grace you think you deserve! So instead of falling in love we are choosing the obedience of love. Instead of falling out of love at the first sign of imperfection, we show mercy and we forgive others in the same way that we would want to be forgiven. In this way we are no longer at the whim of our emotions and feelings and intuitions. And just as importantly, we're no longer showing favoritism and discriminating against people based on evil thoughts.
Speaking of destiny, our ultimate destiny is to appear before the judgment seat of Christ. In James 2:12 (NIV) James tells us to, "speak and act as those who are going to be judged...." Our ultimate destiny is not to fall in love. It is to meet God face to face. And the best preparation for meeting the God who is love is to live a life of true love now.
Jesus gave the example of true love.
1 John 3:16-18 (NIV) says, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
And so let me just ask again. Are we really interested in true love, or in something less? Are we being blinded by desire and emotion from seeing the truth? Are we keeping the royal law of love found in scripture? Are we keeping our ultimate destiny in perspective?
I want to finish with Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3:14-21 (NIV) which says, "For this reason I kneel before the Father,from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
May God be glorified by our love for one another, not just on this Valentine's Day, butevery day.