In Matthew 6:12 Jesus teaches us to pray: "forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." Then, at the end of this prayer, Jesus says, "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
These are tough words, and Jesus didn't putting any asterisks with fine print next to that word forgive. He clearly expects we give the very thing we most need.
We live in day where churches sing ad nausea about the unconditional love of God. But keep in mind that God so loved the world he sent his One and Only Son to die for your sins and my sins. God's love alone wasn't enough to save us... it was the action he took in that love that saves us... God's own perfect justice demanded the penalty for your sin and my sin be paid in full.
God's love is unconditional, but God's forgiveness and salvation is not. I must believe in that Jesus the Son of God died to pay to the penalty for my sins. I must confess my sin and agree with God about my sin. I must truly repent from my acts of sin that lead to death, I must think differently about sin. I must call upon God to save my soul. Romans 10:13 says, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." In the waters of baptism, I must die to my old self. Acts 2:38 says, "Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." In baptism God forgives me, washing my sins away, and he raises me up to live a new life, and He gives me His Holy Spirit to regenerate my heart/mind/body/soul and to keep me from sin.
To be saved, I must actively embrace the forgiveness God has for me. But here Jesus indicates I must also embrace the forgiveness God has in store for others. God's kingdom isn't a kingdom of "me." It's a kingdom available through faith, potentially, "to all nations" "all people" "all sinners" even those who have harmed me.
Through the years I've never heard someone say, "I don't want to be forgiven." But people do say, "I will not forgive. . ." I'm ALL IN for God forgiving me, but I don't want anything to do w/God forgiving so-n-so.
As a pastor, I've heard some pretty dark stories. We live in a dark, cruel world. When I was in Bible College I visited a mega-church and noticed they had groups specifically for people who had family members murdered. But then I noticed they had a group for ex-cons--for thieves, thugs, abusers, and murderers. That's when I truly realized the power of the gospel.
God was bringing victims and victimizers into ONE family, under one roof. No wonder the cross is offensive to those who are perishing. Some would just assume die than accept the thought that their persecutor might be forgiven. It's called the Jonah syndrome. Jonah wanted the whole city of Ninevah to burn in God's hellish wrath. So when the murderous city repented, and God showed mercy, Jonah was livid!
He prayed: "O Lord, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now of Lord, take away my life, for it better for me to die than to live!" Ever feel that way?
In the book of Acts, this evil man Saul is murdering Christians. But then Jesus saves Saul, and Saul later becomes the great apostle Paul. But the persecuted church had to find away to accept God's grace in Paul's life. They had to pray this prayer of Jesus, "Father... help us forgive Saul as we've been forgiven." Jonah had to pray this prayer, "Father... help me forgive Ninevah as I've been forgiven."
When I accept God's forgiveness... I'm not just accepting the forgiveness God wants to give me. I must also accept the forgiveness he offers the evil world in which I live, and of which I've participated. We might wish that other people die for their sins, for the cruel harm they've done. But God's chosen that Jesus should die, so that "whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." We might imagine ourselves more merciful and just than God, but we're not! The extent God is willing to take his forgiveness isn't just extravagant, it can be outrageous and offensive.
The world is extravagant in it's violence and retaliation. Every day, the evil in our world grows more outrageous and offensive. But God is extravagant in his mercy and forgiveness. Every day, the sheer audacity of God's mercy and forgiveness is on full display, every day his grace more outrageous, offensive, and majestic than yesterday.
In 1 Timothy 2:13,16 Paul says, "I was once a persecutor, blasphemer, and violent man... but I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life!"
So how do we navigate the difficult terrain of forgiveness? Let me emphasize that we can only navigate God's mercy and forgiveness in prayer. Jonah prayed. The Psalmists prayed. Jesus prayed in death, "Father forgive them." Paul prayed. Forgiveness is of God.
First, in prayer, we recognize that we all need forgiveness
One of the grave dangers of anger is self-righteousness. When we're angry we believe ourselves to good (and thus deserving grace), and the other person evil (thus deserving our wrath, God's wrath, and society's wrath). Anger never looks in the mirror at its own ugliness, but always looks out the window, condemning others.
So in Matthew 5-6-7, Jesus preaches this sermon that I believe has one purpose--it's to cement in our self-righteous minds our own need for forgiveness.
• We are to be salt and light, but we've lost our saltiness and we obscure our light.
• Our righteousness should exceed the Pharisees... not breaking even the least of the commandments in order to enter the kingdom of heaven... but only Jesus could do it!
• Not just the person who murders, but anyone who is angry toward his brother, or insults him, is in danger of the fire of hell.
• Not just the person who commits physical adultery, but the one who looks lustfully upon a woman, committing emotional adultery, is in danger of the fire of hell.
• Not just the one who divorces, but the one who interferes in a dissolving marriage, is guilty of adultery.
• We're to never swear. Our yes should always be yes, and our no, no. But our tongue is a restless, untamable member of our body.
• We're to live in peace, going the extra mile, turning the other cheek, loving our enemies, doing good to pagans, being perfect as our heavenly father is perfect.
• We're to give to the needy secretly, pray secretly, fast secretly, and not showboat our spirituality to gain the praise of men.
• We're to store up treasures in heaven, serve God and not money, not worry about tomorrow, about what we will eat, drink, and the clothing we'll wear. We're to trust that God sees our needs, and will provide.
• And then there is Matthew 7:1-5, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye. You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Jesus said, "He who has been forgiven much, forgives much; but he who has been forgiven little, forgives little." Spending a little more time in the mirror tending to the plank in your eye might go a long way to helping you forgive your brother. We are not anywhere as righteous as we imagine. 1 John 1:8 says, "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." It goes back to Jesus famous quote, in John 8:7, "If any one of you is w/o sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."
God's standard is just as Jesus says, "Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect." So all of us need forgiveness. In Matthew 5:7 Jesus says, "blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy."
Second, in prayer, we receive complete forgiveness
Sometimes we don't forgive because we don't believed God truly forgives us. I like to remind people that Moses was a murderer. King David was an adulterer and a murderer. The Apostle Paul was a blasphemer and a murderer. If we discounted all these three men ever said about God, you wouldn't have a Bible. But all sought, believed, and proclaimed God's mercy and forgiveness.
John says, "If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9). In prayer, sober up, confess your sin, and seek God's forgiveness. If you've confessed it, the accuser cannot hold it over you any longer. Romans 8:1 says, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." I want to move to a final point...
Third, in prayer, we aspire toward forgiving others
Ephesians 4:31-32 says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Let me say some things about forgiveness::
First, forgiveness doesn't negate repentance. Luke 17:3-4, "So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says , ‘I repent,' forgive him." God himself forgives us, when we confess and repent to HIM. If a person confesses and repents to God, or to us, we should forgive them.
Second, forgiveness doesn't negate emotion. Jesus never promised we wouldn't grieve our losses. He never told us to live in denial of what's been lost. What Jesus said in Matthew 5:4 is, "Blessed are those who mourn, they will be comforted." Comfort will come through forgiveness, and through prayer, in God's time.
Third, forgiveness doesn't negate discernment. Jesus warns against judging. With whatever measure you use, it will be used against you. But then in the same sermon, in Matthew 7:15-20, Jesus tells us to "recognize a tree by its fruit." If a person is repentant, you will see the fruit of repentance. You'll at least see godly sorrow. Forgiveness isn't naïve. After forgiveness, things don't go back into the box the same way. New boundaries, new guardrails, new accountability, new lines must be discerned.
Fourth, forgiveness doesn't negate cost. Forgiveness is always costly. There is no pain-free forgiveness. There certainly isn't for God, and there isn't for us. When Jesus established the Lord's Supper, he said, "This is the blood of my covenant poured out for the forgiveness of sins." The toll for our sin cost God his life, the blood of his son. No cost we'd ever pay is as high as the price God paid. But in Christ, the price is paid in full!
Fifth, forgiveness doesn't negate justice. God has established governments and authorities to punish wrongdoers. Yes, human systems of justice are deeply flawed. But remember, God's justice is perfect. Romans 12:19 says, "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord." When you forgive, you're not giving up on justice, your embracing the highest form of justice. You're putting that person in the hands of the Living God, the lawgiver and judge of all the earth.
Sixth, forgiveness doesn't negate the law of love. Your pain doesn't entitle you to live a life of hate. In fact, love is the ultimate kind of revenge. Romans 12:20 says, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Love messes with people. They expect hate. Love disorients, it discombobulates. Kindness leads people to repentance. Mark Twain said, "Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that's crushed it." Paul Boese says, "Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future." Cherie Carter Scott says, "Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." Forgiveness causes you to grow in love. Jesus said love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.
Last, forgiveness doesn't negate mercy. Like every command of Jesus, we must ask God in his mercy to forgive what's lacking in ours. The whole point of Jesus telling us to be perfect like our Father in heaven is to help us realize how much grace we need. We can only "aspire" to the forgive as Christ forgave. If we could forgive exactly as Christ forgave, he wouldn't have had to die, and we wouldn't need to be forgiven.
Lewis B. Smedes wrote in his book, Forgive and Forget, "When you release the wrongdoer from the wrong, you cut a malignant tumor out of your inner life. You set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself."
The Lord's Prayer can set us free if we'd learn to pray it and trust it...