There is a lot of controversy about marriage these days.
Colossians 3:18-19 (NIV) says, "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."
There is a lot of controversy about marriage these days. It’s amazing that we haven’t had to replace anytelevisionsin the Morrissette household. Because not a day goes by when I don’t feel inclined to throw a shoe through thetelevision screen!
Here's an example.During the Miss USA pageant, Miss California was asked by Perez Hilton if she believed that gay marriage should be legalized. Her response created a firestorm. She was ruthlessly criticized for not endorsing gay marriage. She lost the Miss USA competition and will likely be stripped of her Miss California crown too. Never mind that her state voted against legalizing gay marriage.
So it is "okay" for an opportunistic Perez Hilton to foist his agenda on an unsuspecting beauty contestant, but it’s intolerable to uphold a traditional view of marriage!
We are seeing a movement to deny Christ's centrality in all of life's relationships.
What we are seeing is more than a rejection of traditional marriage. What we are seeing is a movement to deny Christ's centrality in all of life’s relationships. Christ is being denied supremacy in our personal lives, in our marriages, in our families, in our schools, in our workplaces, in our government, and in our relationships outside the Church.
And it’s not just the gay activist who is denying Christ's centrality in life’s relationships. It's often the Church. It's people like you and me. With our mouths we profess allegiance to Christ, but in our hearts--- there we go into the darkness again. We lift our hands in praise, but then our feet are quick to sin.
Colossians 1:15-20 establishes the supremacy of Christ in the universe. All things were created by Christ and for Christ. Christ is before all things and in him all things hold together!
Our contention is that when Jesus is denied that same supremacy, things begin spiraling out of control. Wherever Christ is denied authority, every form of wickedness will increase. Have you noticed wickedness increasing in your life lately? Maybe in your marriage? Or in your children?
In our marriage relationship, we need to give Christ centrality.
This morning I want to talk about giving Christ centrality in one of our most critical relationships: marriage. I know that some of you aren’t married. Some of you are widowed. Some are single, dating, or engaged. Some of you don’t know where your relationship stands. You're separated, you're divorced, or you are living together.
It’s interesting. The very first community that God created was between a man and a woman. Before God gave Adam a bunch of pals, he created Eve. There is something special about the bond between a man and a woman.There is something special that a man could never give another man, or a woman to another woman. Genesis 1:27(NIV) says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
Adam and Eve were created equal, but they were also created unique. Their unique manhood and womanhood would be complementary. And together, male and female,they would reflect the image of God.
And together, Adam and Eve would be able to do something that no two people of the same sex could ever do. In Genesis 1:28 (NIV) God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number." Have babies! Lots of babies. Build a family. By the way, gay marriage will always a generation away from extinction. By design, gay couples cannot be fruitful and increase.
Together, Adam and Eve were to fill the earth,subdue it, and rule over the fish,birds, and all living things. They had unity, they had a common purpose, and they had companionship. Their relationship as male and female, their marriage, would become the building block of all civilization.
Sin in the marriage relationship has severe consequences for subsequent generations.
This is why marriage must be honored by all. As goes a marriage, so goes the children. As goes a marriage, so goes society. When Adam and Eve sinned, their relationship was the first to suffer. Their once peaceful relationship became ravaged with sinful conflict. Instead of ruling the earth together, God tells Eve in Genesis 3:16 (NIV), "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
Not long after this, they give birth to two sons, Cain and Abel. As you know, Cain would kill Abel in a fit of jealous rage. So from the time Adam and Eve sinned, wickedness increased. First in their marriage, then in their children, then in their grandchildren. Eventually in the days of Noah, God wiped out all mankind because every inclination of their heart was only evil all the time.
Sin in the marriage relationship has severe consequences, especially for subsequent generations. The greatest ills of society are first and foremost a result of a broken a relationship with Christ. But make no mistake about it— they are also a fruit of Christ-less marriages. As goes the marriage, so goes the children and so goes society at large. The worst crimes in society, the overwhelming number of crimes in society, are perpetrated by children growing up in broken homes.
What is a broken home? It’s a home where mom and dad are at war, where anger is never resolved, where no onetakes any responsibility, where sexual sin stirs children to resentment, or where a child grows up feeling alone and neglected while mom or dad is off with a new boyfriend or girlfriend.
Instability in a marriage creates insecure children. "Do mom and dad love one another? Do they love me? Is it my fault they're fighting? If mom and dad break up, will we lose our home again?Will I have to switch schools again?Will mom have to worktwo or threejobs to pay the bills? Will I see my daddy again?"When you are afraid, you're less creative, you take less initiative, you're less trusting, you’re more self-protective, you're less able to focus, and you're more inclined to aggression and anger. You are more likely to express frustration by acting out.
Godly marriages have been the fundamental building block of Western society. In the history of the world, no relationship has promoted more stability than Christian marriage. There is no better design for a healthy society than God’s design— one man for one woman for a lifetime. Those who say otherwise have no basis for their foolishness.
So Colossians 3:18-19 (NIV) says, "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." Allow me to share some practical application for couples based on these verses and on Colossians 3 as a whole.
The husband and wife should be a team.
First, the husband and wife are a team. As a team, both you and your spouse are to be "for" each other. In your heart you must want the absolute best for one another, and nothing less. One of the first things I try to discern when a couple needs help is their intentions. Are they for each other? What do they want for each other and the relationship? A house (marriage) divided against itself cannot stand.
The husband and wife have distinct roles in the marriage.
Second, the husband and wife have distinct roles in the marriage. Colossians 3:18 literally says (in the Greek), "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." This verse is incredibly precise. Wives are being asked, of their own accord, to submit to their husband’s leadership. In this verse, submission is clearly the wife’s to give. Submission is to flow from the heart, and cannot be coerced. And notice how carefully submission is qualified,"...as is fitting in the Lord." Wives, your submission is limited to what pleases the Lord. As your husband lovingly leads you into God’s will, you’re his constant help. But when he turns from God’s will, you are to draw the line and say, "No more."
Colossians 3:19 (NIV) says, "Husbands love our wives and do not be harsh with them." Husbands, your role is to actively love your wife, while demonstrating patience and understanding. A woman has no reservations about submitting to a man who loves her, who shows understanding, and who is leading her in a godly direction. Butshe'll nag a passive, cowardly man.She'll resist an arrogant, chauvinistic pig, who always insists on having his way.
The husband and wife must defend the marriage from sexual sin.
Third, the husband and wife are to defend the relationship from sexual sin. There are two sinful patterns that are prevalent in Colossians 3. The first pattern is sexual sin. Colossians 3:5 (NIV) says, "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry."
The husband and wife must continually guard their relationship from sexual immorality. This begins when you start dating. The discipline and self-control developed during courtship will fortify your marriage for a lifetime. The character of a relationship is strengthened as you work together as a team to abstain from sexual intimacy, as you respect one another’s purity, and as you honor the boundaries God has set for you. You willcultivate a deep friendship, and will inject spiritual life in your marriage.
Couples who forego self-control and discipline during courtship and who rush into sexual sin put themselves at a tremendous disadvantage. There is nothing more frightening than being married to someone who never developed self-control— who is filled with lust, impure thoughts, and evil desires.
Dating is an opportunity to discern the character of your potential mate. Ladies, no man who truly loves you would ever pressure you to commit sexual sin. Nor would he violate your body, or demand your virginity in exchange for empty promises of a future together. When a guy invites you to move into his apartment, he wants only one thing. And it isn’t commitment. He only wants to take advantage of you. As a couple, you must work together to be a success.
The husband and wife must defend the relationship from unresolved anger.
Fourth, the husband and wife must defend their relationship from unresolved anger. Colossians 3:8-9 (NIV) says, "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.Do not lie to each other...."
Unresolved anger is a dangerous thing in a relationship. The ideal is that couples ought not let the sun go down on their anger. Now Lara and I argue from time to time. I say something to her, she says something back, I kick it up a notch, and then she kicks it up a notch. And it’s always over really significant things. "You spent how much on your boat?" Sometimes it feels good just to have the adrenaline rush of pure anger. But 99% of the time, things are resolved between us by the end of the day. And 100% of the time, things are resolved by very next day.If you go longer than a week and cannot resolve your differences, I’d encourage you to seek counsel from a godly mentor or pastor.
One of the best things you can do as a couple is to learn how to fight, so that at the end of the day, you both win! And it isn’t just anger at each other that you should be concerned about. It's unresolved anger in general.Anger quickly escalates into rage, malice, slander, filthy language, lies, and prejudice. Anger is like a poison. If either of us gets angry about something at work, it’s like second nature. We talk it out immediately, we seek understanding, and work to make peace. If anger festers, it can easily pour over into your marriage.
The husband and wife must actively cultivate godliness.
Fifth, the husband and wife must actively cultivate godliness. This is the fun part! Colossians 3:12-17 (NIV) says, "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
Most couples never venture into the strange new territory described in these verses. But this is the promised land, the holy grail. Godliness. Grace. Generosity. Worship. Word. Gratitude. Christ-centeredness.