Even for those who have received survival training, the relational jungle can be overwhelming. The slightest cut can become infected and escalate into full blown fever. Hunger or dehydration can drive one to the brink of insanity. Fighting through the maze of twisting vines, towering trees, and exotic plant life can demoralize the most optimistic soul.
Think about any relationship, even one of your best relationships. Isn’t it tragic how the tiniest offenses can infect the soul and steal the life out of a relationship? The click of a mouse on e-mail. The sending of a text message. The stroke of a pen. A slip of the tongue. It only takes an instant to get ensnared within the relational jungle. Yet the journey out of the jungle can take years, decades, or a lifetime.
A foundational question for all relationships is the question of faithfulness. In your heart, given the way things are, are you committed to the good of the relationship for the long haul? Do you truly want things to get better? Do you want the relationship to survive? Are you prepared to do whatever it takes?
Faithfulness doesn't come naturally.
Faithfulness doesn’t come naturally. Relationships can be exhausting. Everything in us can cry out for us to give up and to cave into the exhaustion. Some of you have already given up on your relationships. Though you go to work every day, you have mentally resigned. Though you are married, you are emotionally divorced. Though you are legally the parent or guardian, you have surrendered custody. Every day you tell yourself, "The relationship is what it is. Things cannot get any better."
No one here is going to shame you for feeling exhausted. But let me remind you of Christ’s faithfulness. 2 Timothy 2:13 (NIV) tells us, "if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself."Proverbs 3:3 (NIV) says, "Let love (loving-kindness) and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."
In the strength God provides to you, resolve yourself to be faithful to God’s purposes in your relationships and to seek the greatest good for the other person. Want what is excellent and praiseworthy, the very best. Here is my counsel. If you are having trouble being faithful to the good of a relationship, there are only two things I know to recommend.
The first thing is prayer. If in your weakness you will pray,God will supply the strength. If you confess your sin God is faithful and just and will forgive you your sin and purify you of unrighteousness. You're driving down the road. In your car, or wherever, verbally tell God about your anger, doubts, fears, frustrations, your sinful thoughts, and attitudes. Speak all the ugliness to God. "God, I’m so angry I want to quit. I’m done. It’s over." "God, he doesn’t deserve it. He's hurt me, he’ll hurt me again, he doesn’t change, and I don’t think he can change." "God, I’m filled with hate right now. I don’t want what’s best for them. I want to teach them a lesson. I want justice. I want the tables to be turned. Make them pay."
There are some pretty ugly things bouncing around in our thoughts. You can deal with them alone or you can take them to God. God can heal your heart and cause you to choose the good. That’s why I pray.
The second thing is to read and study scripture. If you will take the time, God will reveal himself to you. And as God reveals your sinful condition to you and your soul is overwhelmed by the grace of God, I promise you will never look at even your worst enemies in the same way. You will lose sleep wondering why God has been so faithful to people who have been so unfaithful. You will wonder how Christ could die for people filled with such hostility that they crucified him. And considering what it means to be forgiven millions in Christ, you will find strength to forgive others tens or hundreds. The word of God melts even the hardest hearts. If your heart needs melting, then get reading.
Here’s the deal. Faithfulness isn’t something we find by digging deeper into ourselves. If you are exhausted it only means you have run to the end of your own strength. You will never run to the end of God’s strength.
Consideration: Survival skill number two.
This morning I introduce a second survival skill. The second relational survival skill is consideration or being considerate.
A key passage is Philippians 2:1-4 (NIV)."If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV) tells us that love is not self-seeking.
It is one thing to want what is best for a relationship. It is quite another thing to be considerate. I’m not an expert in being considerate. The truth is that I grew up around a lot of inconsiderate people. It's probably a reason I became a pastor. I have always wanted to see something different in people and something different in myself. Perhaps you feel the same way.
You know what it means to not be appreciated. You put in all that work and your accomplishment goes unnoticed. You give your very best, but your best isn’t good enough. You show generosity, but it's met with ingratitude. You offer a kind word, but you get trampled on. You show humility, but someone else shows arrogance.
We’ve all been wounded by inconsiderate people. Inconsiderate people make thoughtless remarks,they are indifferentto our situation and need, and they are people who put themselves before others. Inconsiderate people set themselves above others and getso wrapped up in themselves that they can’t see someone standing right before them. The more we think about it, the more bitter we can become.
There are few things easier than being inconsiderate. Am I wrong? On the other hand, it takes a lot of effort to be considerate, toshow tenderness and compassion, and toestablish common ground with another person—especially to someone who has offended us. It takes considerationto set our personal ambitions aside,to humble ourselves,to get outside our universe, andto look to the interests of others.
A big reason that people are inconsiderate toward us is because they perceive that we're being inconsiderate toward them! They don’t sense that we are pulling for them and that we want what’s best for them. They sense that we are only looking after our own interests. And truth be told, they are more often right than we realize or care to admit.
A lot of times we want them to blink first. We want them to make the first move. We want them to change first. We want them to initiate. We can be so proud, so conceited, and so self-righteous. If you want to change your relationships, you have to change first. You have to stop playing the victim. You can spend a lot of time and energy collecting injustices and licking your wounds. Trust me, it’ll get you nowhere!
What will begin transformingyourrelationships is your taking the initiative and being considerate. This is exactly what Christ has done in his relationship with us.He’s set example for us in this.
Review these passages regarding Christ's example and his instructions to us regarding consideration to others. Philippians 2:1-11,Titus 3:1-8, James 3:13-18,1 Peter 2:17-25, 1 Peter 3:8-14, and 2 Timothy 2:24-26.
You’ve tried your way long enough in your failed relationships. Try being faithful andconsiderate.