Today we kick off a series of messages about relationships. One of my favoritetelevision shows is "Man versus Wild." Each week Bear Gryllsstrands himself in an impossible survival situation. One week it might be the Sahara Desert. Another week it might be a deserted island, the Alaskan mountain range, the Florida Everglades, Siberia with negative 38 degree temperatures, the rain forests of Costa Rica, or the jungles of Panama.
Each situation is one in which people have been known to die. Yet each time Bear not only survives, but manages to escape danger. Pick whatever metaphor you want. Our relationships can be a lot like the jungles of Panama or the rain forests of Coast Rica. How often do we find ourselves in these seemingly impossible situations?
•Your spouse has cut off all "non-essential" communication.
•You’ve run out of ways to get through to your teenager.
•You sense that your boss or supervisor has it out for you.
•You are continually overlooked for that promotion or raise.
•You cannot seem to motivate your employees.
•A person has it out for you. He threatens you, harasses you, humiliates you, controls you, avoids you, snipes at you, and gossips about you. People seem to hold you at arm's length, even push you away.
The scenarios are virtually endless, but the stakes are always high. The survival of your marriage, the wellbeing of your family, your job, your business, your peace of mind, and your ultimate success hinges on a few key relationships.
In "Man versus Wild" Bear is a survivalist. He has been trained to do all the right things in order to escape danger. We are not so fortunate. We find ourselves thrust into situations for which we’ve received no training or preparation. We don’t know which snakes are poisonous, what bugs to eat, or how to find shelter. Welcome to the jungle and good luck!
This series of messages is going to be team-taught by Tom Frydenger and myself. Tom is a licensed counselor with decades of experience restoring relationships. And I, I am a reckless, unlicensed pastor with over a decade of experience with wrecking relationships. I am kidding! Atleast I hope I am.
It doesn’t matter about our experience. There are two things you need to keep in mind during this series. First, our God is a relational God. Christianity is the only religion with the doctrine of the trinity. The trinity means that God is three persons in one. That God consists ofthe Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, existing eternally in community with one another.
God created us to be in relationship with one another and with himself.
When God created us in his image, he created us to be in relationship with one another and himself. Look at these verses. Genesis 1:26-27 (NIV) says, "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.'So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
Notice how God said, "Let us make man..." Who is God talking to? Who is there with God? God has existed externally, Father-Son-Holy Spirit, before the beginning of time. The Hebrew name for God is plural. God isn’t an individual entity. He is a communal being.
And so here is the second part.When God created us, he created us to be communal, relational beings. "...male and female he created them." Genesis 2:18 (NIV) says,"TheLORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
God is the author of our relationships. Everything you need to know to survive and thrive is right here in God’s word. Over the next few weeks Tom and I are going to open up the word and show you who God is. We will also show you his design for relationships. The rest is up to you.
We will make you a promise.By the end of this message series you will have the tools, insights, and wisdom you need to get most any relationship back on track. The principles you will learn have withstood the test of time, enduring hundreds of generations, and are rooted in God’s eternal nature. You’ll learn what to do andwhat not to do. You’ll begin to address some of the underlying root causes leading to the breakdown of your relationships. You’ll learn principles for enhancing already great relationships.
You may think that you are in some special circumstance that defies the natural laws of relationships, but that is only rarely the case. This series isn’t about easy answers-- three steps to fix your marriage, two steps for this,eight steps for that. Relationships don’t work that way. This series is about the tough stuff, the nitty-gritty survival skills you need every single day in every single interaction you have. So here we go.
Survival skill number one is faithfulness.
Let’s be honest. Every day our dark side begs us to give up and abandon relationships. When things go bad with the boss we entertain the notion of quitting. "I’ll show her. Let’s see how well they’ll get along without me. I can see the boss’s face now. I’ll teachhim how to appreciate an employee old school style."
It is not in our nature to go and be reconciled and settle matters quickly with our adversaries. Instead, we retreat. We hide. We sulk. We lick our wounds. We gossip. We build our case and make our alliances. We play the victim. We demonize the other party. We describe them only in the most absolute terms, "They always… they never… they are this… they are that… they can’t change…" We are so quick to absolve ourselves of any responsibility in a relationship.
Have you ever noticed the way that we describe broken relationships? Early this year I taught a course for seminary students on relationships. I asked students to bring case studies to class detailing the dynamics of a difficult relationship. I wondered if some of the people being described were even real people. Some seemed more like constructions of the imagination, larger than life opponents indwelt by Satan himself and exceptionally depraved human beings.
It is infinitely easier to label, judge, and write a person off than it is give a relationship a chance. In my opinion, ninety percent of the battle is just believing that a relationship can survive. It's just believing that a relationship can be saved. Survivalists will tell you that as much as anything,it is the will to live that allows us to persevere. Love finds a way. The will pushes us to find a way.
I have fallen in love with Proverbs 3:1-4 (NIV). It is one of those passages where a father is offering timely advice to his son about relationships. How many fathers teach their sons in this manner? "My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man."
What is the command that will prolong your life? What is the command that will bring you prosperity and success?What is the command that will cause you to win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man? It sure isn’t giving up. It sure isn’t running. Here it is."Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."
Love and faithfulness should never leave you.
There are just two words we need to concern ourselves with in this verse.Loveand faithfulness. The Hebrew word "love" is best translated as "loving-kindness."Let loving-kindness and faithfulness never leave you. This is the same word that is used throughout the Bible to describe God’s covenant love for his people.
Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV) says, "The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.' "
God’s love isn’t soft, shallow, or sentimental. His love is genuinely kind, genuinely good, and genuinely pure in intention. God genuinely puts us and our best interests first. He genuinely seeks our good. God wants the absolute best for us, always. His love isn’t tainted with selfish motives. He doesn’t love us one day but not on another day. God’s love is steadfastly loyal.
God’s love is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)."Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
The biggest problem in our relationships is our unwillingness-- not our inability, but our unwillingness-- to show loving-kindness to the other party. We aren’t genuinely seeking their good, we're seeking our own good. God’s loving-kindness is a pattern for us of what it means to seek the good of others. Romans 5:8 (NIV) says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." The absence of loving-kindness destroys trust.
But notice the second word in Proverbs 3:3. It is faithfulness. It is loving kindness and faithfulness that brings life. Faithfulness means being steadfast and resolute, loyal, unwavering, true, and firm. God’s loving-kindness toward us is steadfastly loyal. Read your Bible and you will learn the truth of Deuteronomy 7:9 (NIV)."Know therefore that theLORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands."
Read your Bible and you will be perplexed by 2 Timothy 2:13 (NIV) which says, "if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself."
God is fiercely loyal in loving us. Nothing sways God’s love for us. God is infinitely patient with us, perpetually believing in the possibility of our redemption. He is the father waiting at the gate for the prodigal son to return. He always believes, always hopes. His love perseveres and it never fails. Not even the crucifixion of his own Son could cause God to stop loving us. God’s love is a pattern for our relationships.
I have only one purpose this morning in starting this new series. I want you to ask yourself some critical questions. What is your intention for your troubled relationship(s)? What do you want? Do you want to survive or have you resigned yourself to giving up? Are you truly for the other person? Are you seeking the absolute best for him? Are your intentions for the relationship faithful andGod-honoring?