It was the first counseling course I had ever taken. I was required to take the class in order to get my master’s degree. Otherwise I may have steered clear of it! When you take a counseling course you are surrounded by counseling majors. Counseling majors are a rather unique and empathetic breed. They are always listening, always so warm and caring, and always hunting for a class project, a guinea pig!
Every week they would compassionately ask me, "Jon, how are you really doing today?" And I would brush them off saying, "Great! I've got a lot of things going on right now. A part-time job, a full-time ministry, and I’m a bit frustrated trying to learn Hebrew." And then the empathy, "Jon, when can we get together and talk about that? You need a safe person to talk to, a safe space where you can just let it all out." "Hey pal, my wife’s got a master’s degree in counseling and that’s the only safe person and safe space I’m interested in! I’m happy being her project. But thanks anyway!"
The messages we hear come to define our identities.
On the first day of class the professor gave an interesting devotion and introduction. He described how our minds operate like tape recorders, automatically rewinding and replaying the messages we have heard throughout our lives, over and over. The messages go like these."I love you." "Thank you." "I appreciate you so much." "You’re beautiful." "You have so much potential." "You have a real gift." "I’m proud of you." "You’re a good person." "God loves you."
Or the messages can go like these."You’re worthless!" "You’ll never amount to anything!" "You’re stupid." "Why can’t you be more like…" "That’s not bad, but it could be better." "You’re the reason for my problem." "You really need to be more like…" You really need to be less like..."
Over a lifetime, for better or for worse these messages come to define your identity, your self-understanding, your esteem, and the way you have come to see yourself. What messages, what words do you replay over and over in your mind? What messages, what words have shaped who you are today and how you see yourself? Now get into groups of three or four and take the rest of class to share these deeply personal things with complete strangers who you’ve never met before. Aren’t you glad this isn’t a counseling class?
The point I want to make is that words are terribly powerful things, and every single one of us has been positively or negatively affected by someone's words. Think about this fact. You have become the words you have heard. Those who have been told they can, do! Those who have been told they can’t, don’t!
The tongue has the power of life and death.
Here is what Proverbs 18:21 (NIV) says, "The tongue has the power of life and death…" The words of others can inspire us to live life to the fullest, glorifying God. The words of others can produce a kind of spiritual, emotional, and even physiological death in us. Among believers it ought to always be true that our words beautify the bride of Christ andthat our words bring out the best in one another. We should be building one another up, inspiring one another, encouraging one another, loving one another, and glorifying God!
James 1:18 (NIV) says, "He (God) chose to give us birth through the word of truth…" As a result of being together, we should be renewed. The words of men and of the evil one should be overthrown and the word of God should be giving us birth into an entirely new life! Your tongue has the power of life and death. Just think about that. We shape destinies.
Never underestimate the power of one.
In your outline are some important truths. First, never underestimate the power of one. I’m going to tell you something that you already know. It only takes one tongue to entirely change the course of a person’s life. You call a person names. You devalue another human being. You insult a person. You tease, you make fun, you bully, you deride, you condemn, and you judge with your tongue. Do you realize what great power your one tongue has?
The tongue is capable of incredible good but just as capable of an incredible amount of evil. Husbands, think about the way you talk about your wife. Are you communicating love? Dignity? Respect? Beauty? Confidence? Faithfulness? Hope? Wives, think about the way you talk about your husband. Are you communicating love? Respect? Parents, think about the way you talk to your children. Are you calling out the best in them or are you exasperating their spirits and wrecking their self-images?
I want to read a scripture passage from James that certainly applies to me, but that also applies to every single person in this room as well. In James 3:1-2 (NIV) James says, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check."
Every one of us uses our tongue to teach others.
Do you know what teachers do? They speak authoritatively to others. They tell people how they should think and feel about themselves, their world, and their God. Every time we open our mouths and loosen our tongues, we become teachers. The pastor talking to the church. The parent teaching his child. Husband and wife speaking to one another. The boss interacting with the employee. The doctor to the patient. The police officer to the repeat offender. The teacher to the failing student. These are all examples of teaching situations.
You're just one person. You have just one tongue. But you have an extraordinary impact, an eternal impact, on what other people are becoming. James 2:12 (NIV) says, "Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom..." In Matthew 12:36-37 (NIV) Jesus says, "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
One of the greatest evils is underestimating the power of our tongues to bring life or death. Given our propensity for stumbling, we ought to be more careful and thoughtful before speaking. What a different world we would live in if pastors, teachers, parents, police officers, and each and every one of us could control our biggest little trouble maker, our tongues.
The tongue has the power to direct others.
Consider the power of the tongue to direct others. James paints a series of images. In James 3:3-5 (NIV) he says, "When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts…"
You’ve heard the saying, "Loose lips sink ships." One tiny little word can send entire nations to war. One tiny little word can provoke riots, divorce, murder, or suicide. The tongue is this small little part of your body that bears a disproportionate amount of influence in comparison to its size. Like a bit in a horse's mouth, like a rudder of a gigantic ship, the tongue can control the body. If your tongue is like a bit in the horse's mouth, who is in control of the bit? If your tongue is like the rudder of gigantic ship, who is in control of the rudder? If your tongue has such extraordinary power to direct your life and the life of others, who is in control of your tongue anyway?
Who is in control of your tongue?
Who is the rider on the horse, turning and controlling the bit, controlling your tongue? Who is the mighty captain of the sea, controlling the rudder, the tongue in your mouth? James is concerned that every part of our lives be brought under the control of God’s Holy Spirit. He is concerned that every part gets surrendered to the lordship and direction of Jesus Christ.
What is your goal in life? It should be as James states in James 3:2 (NIV). "We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check." Shouldn’t perfection be our goal? James 1:26 (NIV) says, "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."
The tongue has the power to devastate people.
Consider the power of the tongue to devastate people. More images! James 3:5-8 (NIV) says, "Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."
One of the most greatly feared disasters in the first century was fire. I know that your NIV Bible translation says, "Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." On the news, we have all seen mighty forest fires that have devastated millions of acres. These fires were caused by a cigarette butt or a carelessly thrown match. But the verse can also be understood differently. The original translation said, "Consider what great timbers are set on fire." Timbers were used to build everything in the first century including houses, temples, and most buildings. Have you ever heard of the great Chicago fire? A mule kicked over a lantern and half the city was engulfed in flames. Flames were jumping streets and the city was destroyed. Hundreds died. In the first century entire cities would be engulfed in fire and nothing could be done!
The tongue devastates us where we live.
The tongue doesn’t devastate ancient, inhabited forests. The tongue devastates us where we live. The tongue devastates the home, neighborhoods, communities, and entire cities. The tongue can also be like the venom of a poisonous snake. One quick little strike of venom and an entire life can be taken. The time to minimize damage is not after the fire has engulfed a city or when deadly venom has entered the blood stream. The time to control the tongue is before the first spark. You need to control it before the first strike.
James explicitly says in James 3:7 (NIV) that much like a raging fire or a poisonous snake, "...no man can tame the tongue." With man, taming is impossible. But with God, all things are possible! Why not ask God’s Holy Spirit to take control of your tongue before it creates all that devastation in your life?
Thus far, we have learned three important facts about the tongue. First, the tongue affects who and what people around us are becoming. We're accountable for every single word we speak, careless or not. Second, the tongue has power disproportionate to its size. We have no choice but to throw God the reigns and let him pull the bit to the left or to the right. We have no choice but to let Christ take the helm and guide the rudder of our lives, our tongue. Third, the tongue once unleashed cannot be constrained or tamed by man. The tongue is a restless, untamable beast. It is a raging wall of fire that isn’t satisfied until it consumes everything that is left of our lives. We have no choice but to throw ourselves upon God’s grace and pray for him to make the impossible possible through his power.
The tongue has the power to delight or displease God.
In your outline finally consider the power of the tongue to delight or to displease God. James 3:9-12 (NIV) says, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."
The images here are of a spring of water, a fig tree, and a grape vine. The point here is that when you see a fresh water fountain and come to that fountain to have your thirst quenched, you shouldn’t expect salt water. When you see a fig tree in the distance and come to that fig tree to have your hunger satisfied, you shouldn’t expect to find olives. When you see a grapevine and you search through that vine for grapes, you shouldn’t find figs. When you see a Christian and you come to that Christian to hear the words of life, you shouldn’t hear cursing!
Ephesians 5:3-4 (NIV) says, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving."
1 Peter 3:8-12 (NIV) says, "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, 'Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."
We should pray as the Psalmist prays In Psalm 141:3 (NIV). "Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips."
If your tongue is out of control, the problem is in your heart.
Allow me one last closing thought. If your tongue isn’t under the direction of the Holy Spirit, if your tongue is untamed and reaping destruction, if your tongue is displeasing God, the problem isn’t in your tongue. The problem is in your heart. In Matthew 15:18-20 (NIV) Jesus says, "But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man 'unclean'; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him 'unclean.' "
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Your heart is where it all starts. Your heart is your first line of defense. In your heart of hearts, have you given yourself to Jesus Christ?
Romans 10:8-13 (NIV) says, "But what does it say? 'The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,' that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, 'Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.' For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, 'Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.' "
If your heart is right and your heart is filled with Christ, your words become right. A transformed mouth is one the first and greatest evidences of a transformed soul.