Happy Mother's Day! Congratulations to those dedicating your children! Whenever I plan a "series", I try to incorporate days like Mother's Day. So I spent some time praying, "What does it look like for a Mother to THRIVE?" And, "How does the Spirit of the Living God help a Mother THRIVE?"
A while back I was reading about a first time mother, named Sarah, who didn't feel she was THRIVING. Out of high school, she married her husband Clark. As newlyweds, their love blossomed. They had compatible schedules, enjoyed doing activities together, had decent jobs and good income, and shared a deep faith . . .
Everything was just "clicking" except one thing--they couldn't conceive. They never used birth control, they trusted that God would provide a child, in his time. But as time passed, "not trying" turned into "really trying hard." With the help of a doctor, they got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful daughter named Zoe (Greek for ‘Life').
From a distance they seemed to be THRIVING--but most days, Sarah found herself physically exhausted, her eyes puffy and bloodshot. Being a mother wasn't anything like what she dreamed. Zoe cried continually, needed constant attention, and kept an erratic sleep schedule. Sarah was beside herself. She would try to feed Zoe, rock her to sleep, put her to bed. . . but whatever she did led to even more crying!
She went to her pediatrician, and was assured everything was normal. For months her exhaustion grew, along with stress, anger, and sadness. Meanwhile, the other mothers at Church seemed so happy, so capable, and so rested. Feeling isolated and alone in her despair, Sarah began to resent her daughter, and started having terrifying thoughts about harming her own baby. That was the breaking point--that's when she cried out for help.
Instead of THRIVING, Sarah felt like she was FAILING. First, because she couldn't become a mommy. But later, because she didn't know how to be a mommy.
So, how might the Holy Spirit help a mom thrive? A little know truth about the Holy Spirit is that the Spirit is a capable parent. And as a parent Himself, the Spirit can help you THRIVE as a parent. I like the way R.A. Torrey describes the Holy Spirit. He says, "The Spirit isn't some mysterious, or wonderful power but a real person, infinitely holy, infinitely wise, infinitely mighty, and infinitely tender. Every present, ever loving, every helpful, ever gracious. He stands ready to help us in every emergency [I suppose that even includes parenting emergencies], but not just in emergencies!"
The Spirit is a perfect, attentive parent, who knows exactly what's needed. If you're a mom, it's easy to forget that you're a child of God yourself. . . the Spirit is right there beside you. And even if you are not a "mom" in the technical or biological sense... you too are a child of God. So what does it look like to seek the Spirit's help?
First, GRIEVE NOT the Holy Spirit
So I mentioned that the Holy Spirit is just like a parent. Ephesians 4:30 says, "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." This is foundational to any relationship, but especially our relationship to God. Sin is first and foremost, a sin against the Holy Spirit. Isaiah 63:10 says when we rebel... it's against the Spirit. In Acts 5:3, when we lie, it's against the Spirit.
A while back, Greg Williams (who served as a commander with the Springfield police department) was telling me about the encounters he's had with violent criminals. Quite often, situations happen in a neighborhood, or near the home, where an offender lives. Greg usually says, "Hey, let's not do this. What if your momma hears about this, or sees this? Come on, don't want to disrespect your momma..." More often than not, that simple appeal, "GRIEVE NOT" is enough to tame the wildest offender.
It should be just like that with the Holy Spirit. We should never want to grieve the Spirit. Think the grief it causes a parent, when a child sins. Even an evil parent, grieves choices their child makes. How much more then, does the Spirit grieve? The Holy Spirit is infinitely more sensitive to sin than the purest mother who ever walked the earth. Plus the Holy Spirit dwells within us--seeing everything we say, do, and think... whether night or day, public or private.
Every act we perform, word we speak, thought we entertain, every desire that passes through our mind... if anything is impure, unholy, unkind, selfish, mean, petty, or untrue the Holy One is deeply grieved by it... first and foremost... before anyone else. So through God's Word, let's attune our heart to ALL that PLEASES the Spirit, and turn from ALL that GRIEVES the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is should be our first consideration.
Second, CRY OUT to the Holy Spirit
Crying is a curious phenomenon. For therapy, parents post photos about why their kids are crying on www.WhyMyBabyIsCrying.com. One baby can't reach his ball. Another cries because mom wouldn't let him eat dirt. Another because mom wouldn't let him electrocute himself... eat dog food... go potty in the backyard with the dog...
Generally, when a baby cries, mothers are the first to know what their child needs--even if the baby hasn't learned to speak. Generally, a mother knows whether to pay attention to tears, ignore them, or say, "You're okay. Stop crying."
Galatians 4:6 says, "And because you are sons/daughters, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying "Abba! Father!" What a verse! By the Spirit of God, we learn to cry out to God just like a child cries out for his/her mom! Do you think the Angels in heaven have a website called www.WhyGod'sChildrenAreCrying.com?
This verse isn't mocking our reasons for crying. Far from it! "By the Spirit of God we cry out to the Father ‘Abba.'" The best translation for Abba is "Daddy." The Spirit teaches us to cry out to daddy. Now if you're a man, this is a playground and workplace taught. "What are you going to do, cry for your daddy?" But crying out to God isn't a place of weakness, it's a place of a strength. A real man can admit his need for God, and isn't afraid of seeking intimacy and the tenderness of God.
In Jesus day, people would pray to God in an impersonal, hollow manner. But Jesus taught us to pray to God as both a "Father" and later on, as a "Daddy." Technically a Father and Daddy are the same thing--but when we say Father we are usually emphasizes God's power and might, his transcendence, that God is over and above us. But when we say "Daddy" it emphasizes God's tenderness, care, compassion, abundant love... that God is near.
In Matthew 7 Jesus taught us to pray "Our Father who art in Heaven." In the Garden of Gethsemanae, at the lowest point of Jesus' life, Jesus taught us to cry out to God "Daddy..." We can learn to pray both ways! As a man, it's hardest to pray "Daddy" because it confronts our pride and self-sufficiency. But praying this way makes you a better man.
So here is the truth about prayer. Your prayers can be just like a child crying. Just because you don't have the right words, just because you don't know the right things to ask, doesn't mean your prayer life isn't powerful. First, God gives you his Spirit so you can cry out "DADDY," and learn to trust the tender, ever-present mercy of God. But second, God gives us His Spirit so that whatever our cry, it's effective and powerful!
Romans 8:26-28 says, "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for (as we ought), but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows the mind of Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those called according to the purpose of God."
You've probably heard Romans 8:28 a million times... but did you ever realize Romans 8:28 happens because we cry out to God, "Daddy, Help!" When a child cries, mom responds to those cries no matter how dark, how late, how loud, how soft those cries may be. How much more then, will our heavenly Daddy respond to our cries?
Sometimes a mother is exhausted by her child's cries, "I don't know what you want... I don't understand... I don't know what's wrong." But God never grows tired of our cries. And he knows exactly what we need even when we don't know what that is. And moms... God knows what your baby needs even if you don't.
When we cry out all things begin working according to the purpose of God. And what is that purpose? Romans 8:29 tells how God's purpose--its maturity! God predestined us to be "conformed to the image of his Son."
Third, SAY YES to the Holy Spirit
Romans 8:14, "For all who are led by Spirit are sons of God."
You are only a child of God so long as you yield your life to God. This means your letting the Spirit of God actively leading you... that your letting God truly "be" you're Father in the functional sense. It was said of the Nation of Israel that they were "stubborn children." Hebrews 3:7-11 says they hardened their hearts in rebellion, tested God, and provoked his anger.
In Matthew 12:31-32, Jesus calls these blaspheming the Holy Spirit. The essence of blasphemy is defiance, irreverence, profanity. In Romans 1:30, defiantly disobeying your parents marks an escalation of rebellion and godlessness. In ancient cultures, when a child began blaspheming their own parent, a community would lose hope for that child, and in some cases it would result in capital punishment.
Parent's you have a tough job. As a parent, you have to deal with the reality of situations. The most sobering reality of parenting is that if you don't teach/model obedience to the Spirit, it doesn't go well either for you OR your children. And it doesn't bode well for them for eternity either. According to Deuteronomy 6 the greatest way to set your children's up for success (including eternal life) is to teach them to obey everything God has commanded. This is the essence of the great Commission also... to teach nations/generations to obey everything Christ commanded.
Let me just say, none of us are exempt from that "learning to obey" part. Older men, Fathers, much teach younger men/dads to obey. Older women, Mothers, must teacher younger women/moms, to obey. It's okay if you feel inadequate as a parent--but it's not okay to remain stuck when you have a church filled we such capable mentors, and you have the Holy Spirit himself, to help you learn and grow. Together we must all learn to SAY YES to the Spirit. And there is AMAZING GRACE available to us as we learn to do so!
Finally, FEAR NOT the Holy Spirit
Romans 8:15-17 says, "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry "Abba! Father!" Zechariah 12:10 describes God pouring out His "Spirit of grace and supplication (prayer)."
When Sarah visited the counselor, she was filled with guilt and shame. She was failing. She was sad, depressed, angry, and resentful. She'd even begun nurturing thoughts of infanticide. No, God didn't want her thinking, let alone acting, on such thoughts. But Sarah already knew that.
What she discovered however, was an ever-present helper, the Holy Spirit, willing standing beside her. Slowly, but steadily, she turned away from those sinful thoughts, and attitudes, and actions that GRIEVED God's Spirit. She found that her Heavenly Father was a "daddy" who was full of love and tenderness, grace and understanding. She realized that although she was growing tired of daughter crying out, God would never grow tired hearing her CRY OUT...
She realized God understood her anguish, in a way nobody else could, not her husband, not anyone. She learned that she didn't need to FEAR GOD's punishment or wrath for her failures, but she could learn to THRIVE by trusting the SPIRIT OF GRACE.
She learned that it was normal to have to learn! It was okay to confess her inadequacies, and seek the help of other moms, and the Church. Slowly, she learned to enjoy her daughter, instead of resenting her... that she didn't have to pretend to be some super-mom, and that the reason the other moms were so capable was because they shared tricks for nap time, or for potty training ... and the reason they were so rested, was because they'd lend each other a hand whenever someone was at their tripping point...
Finally she learned that God takes pleasure in hearing his children cry "Daddy". Some years ago there was a father in the state of Illinois, who had a little girl who had been deaf and mute from her birth. It was a sad day in that home when they came to realize that that little child was deaf and would never hear and, as they thought, would never speak. The father heard of an institution in Jacksonville, Ill., where deaf children were taught to talk. He took this little child to the institution and put her in charge of the superintendent.
After the child had been there some time, the superintendent wrote telling the father that he better come and visit his child. A day was set, and the child was told that her father was coming. As the hour approached, she sat up in the window, watching the gate for her father to pass through. The moment he entered the gate she saw him, ran down the stairs and ran out on the lawn, met him, looked up into his face and lifted up her hands and said, "Papa." When that father heard the lips of his child speak for the first time and frame that sweet word "Papa," such a throb of joy passed through his heart that he literally fell to the ground and rolled in the grass in sheer delight! {Source: R.A. Torrey}