The Way of a Mother

If you are a woman, you have taken most of your cues from your mother.

Today is Mother's Day. We're honored that you've chosen to be here today. For those of you who joined us yesterday for the brunch, we were honored to serve you!

This morning is a big deal. Not only is it Mother's Day, but we're starting a new series called "Forgotten Pathways" with a message about womanhood! Not that I'm an expert on this, or am even the most qualified person to speak! But we have God's word-- and as we'll see in this series, God's word is filled with wisdom on every aspect of life.

If you're a woman, you've taken most of your cues from your mother, and to some extent from our culture. If you had a godly mother, that's a good thing! But if you didn't have a godly mother, or lost your mother at an early age, maybe you've really struggled to be a woman, or to be a mother. Most of what we learn is by example. But it seems that there are fewer and fewer examples worthy of imitation.

As we planned this series I was struck by Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV) which says, "This is what the LORD says: 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.' But you said, 'We will not walk in it.' "

Maybe this morning, as a woman, you find yourself at a crossroads in your marriage, in your home, or in your work. Maybe your heart is conflicted about what is good, or best, or right for your life. James 1:5 (NIV) says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

Isn't it good to know that God is at your side? No matter how many faults you have, God is vested in your success, in giving you wisdom! Stand at the crossroads and look. God says to ask for the ancient paths, and ask where the good way is! If you're willing to ask, God will help you find rest for your soul!

The Proverbs are where many people turn for wisdom. For example, Proverbs 31 identifies four aspects of being a godly woman. A lot of women get discouraged when they read Proverbs 31. Truthfully, some women grieve about how different their lives are from what is described in Proverbs 31. But you have to understand that it's a portrait of the "ideal" woman. It's not intended to discourage. It's intended to call out the very best a woman, and future generations of women, can become. Some turn to the cover of Glamour or Cosmopolitan for a portrait of the ideal woman. Proverbs 31 stands in stark contrast to anything culture would even know to prescribe! So here we go.

Being a helpmate is noble.

When God created Eve, it was because, "no suitable helper" could be found for Adam. See Genesis 2:20 (NIV). Furthermore, when God created Eve, he ordained that they be, "united" together and become, "one flesh". See Genesis 2:24 (NIV). Don't limit your thinking here to marriage only. God created men and women to work together in unity, in companionship, in harmony, and in peaceful relationships. One helping the other.

When you study Proverbs 31 you find a portrait of woman who finds fulfillment in being a helpmate to her husband. She isn't inferior to him because the one who helps and serves never is inferior. God himself is our helper. Christ Jesus made himself a servant, becoming obedient unto death, even death on a cross.

Proverbs 31:10-12 (NIV) and Proverbs 31:23 (NIV) says, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land."

Proverbs 31 is describing a woman who wants to bring good, not harm, to her husband. Elsewhere in Proverbs we find women who are hot-tempered, who love to quarrel, who lack discretion, who are unbearably bitter, and who drive their men to the corner of the roof or out into the desert.

You don't have to be married to find fulfillment as a woman, but you're better off being a helper to men, seeking the very best for the men around you in the way you talk, act, dress, think, and speak. Eve gave Adam the worst she could give when she induced his sin. And as a result of their sin their relationship came under a curse. What is your intent for the men in your life? Is it good, noble, righteous, pure, and holy?

Being a homemaker is noble.

Now before you react, let's flesh this one out a bit. Proverbs 31 describes a woman who takes pride in her home and in her family. A lot of women feel that they have to apologize for taking pride in their home or in their family. For some women, it's an insult to be considered a homemaker.

But consider a few verses in Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31:14-15 (NIV) says, "She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." Proverbs 31:21 (NIV) says, "When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet." Proverbs 31:27-28 (NIV) says, "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:"

Here is a man praising his wife for being a homeworker. It's a good thing. It's a beautiful thing. But somehow it's become a wicked thing for a woman to be a homemaker. Some women resent having to raise children or take care of their homes. Why? You're a blessing. You're to be praised for taking on that added responsibility.

Being a hard worker is noble.

The reason a lot of women resent being considered homemakers is because they feel they have so much more to offer. Well, you do! Nobody says you should only be a homemaker! In Proverbs 31 we find a self-actualized woman who's working hard and reaching her fullest potential. She's buying fields, planting vineyards, trading with merchants, making stuff, selling stuff, conducting business and commerce, and giving advice. Listen to what is said about her.

Proverbs 31:13-22 (NIV) says, "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple."

Proverbs 31:24-27 (NIV) continues, "She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."

Just like some women feel they have to apologize for being a homemaker, some feel they have to apologize for wanting to work outside the home, for pursuing a career, or for having dreams and ambitions. Don't let anyone rob you of your hopes and dreams.

Having a heart for God is noble.

Women, God created you to be a helpmate, to seek the good for the men in your life-- no matter if that's your husband, your son, your neighbors, or your coworkers.

God created you to take pride in being a homemaker and in raising a godly family. It's okay to stay at home if you choose to do so. It's okay to love child-rearing, home schooling, adopting, or foster caring. God created you to be fulfilled by decorating, rearranging, cleaning, cooking, planting, gardening, running errands, and providing hospitality. Relax and be fulfilled! Enjoy it!

God created you to work hard too. Nobody is happy being idle. I love how the woman in Proverbs 31 is able to provide not just for her own family, but also for the poor and needy. She's productive and she's generating wealth. Business isn't the domain of men only. Don't neglect your family, don't neglect your home, but don't neglect your dreams either. The Proverbs 31 woman was able to find that balance, and fulfill all her responsibilities. She worked with, not against her husband, to achieve her dreams.

But notice that most importantly, she had a heart for God. She is a woman who first and foremost fears the Lord. She aptly instructs others in the wisdom of God. Proverbs 31:28-31 (NIV) says, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

So how do women get things wrong?

First, nothing will mess your life up more quickly than getting entangled with an ungodly man. You'll come to resent an ungodly man, and you'll find it impossible to cooperate with him. You'll want good, but he wants evil. You'll want commitment, but he wants to keep his options open. You'll want companionship, but he'll be absent. I would say to never gamble on an ungodly man. For this reason, the Bible prohibits believers being wed to unbelievers.

Regardless, many women gamble on such men, move in together, find themselves pregnant, and shouldering the homemaking responsibilities alone-- cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, doing laundry, getting the kids off to school, and discipline. Is there anything more exhausting than being a homemaker with an absentee boyfriend or a deadbeat ex? And then imagine, in addition to all these things, holding down two or three part-time jobs to pay the rent, the car, and the insurance. There isn't any joy having to work to the point of exhaustion, only to come home exhausted.

Some women find themselves resenting men, homemaking, hard work, raising their children, and even God! Maybe some of you are at this crossroad this morning.

Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV) says, "This is what the LORD says: 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, 'We will not walk in it.' "

James 1:5 (NIV) says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." Or her!!!

We're better off fearing God and learning to walk in his ways. God's way is the restful way, the joy-filled way.

What now?

If I might be so bold, I know a lot of you are saying to yourselves, "What now?" Here is my advice, guided by scripture.

Fear God. Pray. Fast. Confess your sins. Repent. Come clean before God. Study the word and read the Proverbs. Nothing is going to change in your life for the better until you get to that place where you fear God, and want to please him more than anything or anyone else. The Bible says that the fear of God is the beginning of all wisdom.

Go slow. Don't dive into the deep end of relationships. Start in the shallows, put your toes in the water, wade out slowly, sense the temperature, and sense the currents of a man's heart, soul, and character. Don't sleep with a guy, move in together, be intimate, and wonder why it didn't work out. Date, court, get engaged, experience life, get counseling, and only if things are right, get married. Then move in together and have kids. But don't do it backwards!

Be at peace. Suppose you are already in a bad marriage? Suppose you find yourself shouldering all the responsibility alone? There isn't any better advice than Romans 12:18 (NIV) which says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." As much as you can, make your home a place of solace and peace. Don't wage war, don't incite anger and violence, and don't escalate conflict. Love your children, give them Jesus, serve your husband, and get support from our girlfriend's ministry or from a small group.

Work hard. As a practical matter, it's always good to work hard and to be industrious. When we're desperate, we do desperate things, and desperately latch on to the wrong kind of relationships. Word hard. Budget carefully. Invest wisely. Save for the future. Don't take shortcuts. Become fiscally sound and responsible. These are noble things!

Here is a link to the resource that inspired the prayer for women based on John Piper's challenge.