The Way of Purity

God's word teaches chastity outside of marriage and fidelity within marriage.

This morning I'm advocating chastity and fidelity-- chastity outside of marriage and fidelity within marriage. This is the Biblical teaching. This is what we were created for. This is what produces the deepest joy and most enduring bond possible between a man and a woman. This is what has proven throughout the ages to be the single most important ingredient to strengthening families, raising morally responsible children, stabilizing entire societies, and fostering economic prosperity. This is what glorifies God's holy character, and what God commands of every relationship between a man and a woman, without exception

Proverbs 3:33-35 (NIV) says, "The Lord's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous. He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble. The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame."

These verses show how upside-down things are today in our culture. When it comes to sexuality, many believe it's more blessed to sin than to be righteous. We see how those who live chaste lives are subject to sneering. Look how athletes like Tim Tebow and Olympic hopeful Lolo Jones have been derided for being virgins. Being a virgin is practically a mark of shame. Lolo's had guys tell her that being promiscuous will make her run faster. How stupid! Yet she's remained strong saying, "I want this to be a gift to my husband."

Instead we honor the non-virtuous, the promiscuous, the perverse, and those who forsake righteousness. But God does not honor these behaviors. God blesses the home of the righteous. He gives grace to the humble. The wise inherit honor.

A bad choice will play itself out over a lifetime.

An important verse to consider is Proverbs 4:18 (NIV). "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day." Another verse is Luke 7:35 (NIV) where Jesus says, "But wisdom is proved right by all her children."

These verses are telling us that righteousness may not always make sense in the beginning. Sometimes we have to wait a while and watch how a choice plays itself out over a lifetime, or even over generations. I think this is especially true with regard to chastity and fidelity. Something that seems good in the beginning can ultimately destroy a relationship.

Last Sunday afternoon, the elders and I came back from our retreat and noticed a man milling around in the parking lot. He was acting kind of suspicious. We wondered if he was mentally ill. But then we discovered that he was talking on his Bluetooth! Earlier, he had pulled his tractor trailer into the Road Ranger. As he parked, he noticed what appeared to be a cross, and decided to walk across the highway to see if anyone was here who might pray for him and for his marriage. If we had arrived five minutes earlier or five minutes later, he'd been gone!

We prayed for him, but it was obvious he wanted to talk, so we came inside. He had grown up in the Bronx. His life was filled with violence, pain, and gross immorality. It was so bad that he left the Bronx and moved all the way to El Paso, Texas to get a new start. In El Paso he hit rock bottom, then someone told him to go to a Christian center. While there, several men embraced him and told him about Jesus. He told me how Jesus completely turned his life around-- the drugs and the sexual immorality-- he turned away from it all.

But then he met a girl at his church. It was the greatest relationship he'd ever experienced. They prayed together, worshiped together, read the Bible together, and dreamed together. They made a pledge to live according to God's will. Their relationship flourished! But then everything changed. They began fighting and arguing. They stopped trusting each other. Communication deteriorated. So I asked him, "What happened? What changed?"

Their relationship was going so well that they decided to move in together, and began sleeping together. Soon they lost respect for one another, and began feeling tremendous shame and guilt. "Stuff" started happening. Violence crept into their relationship. Hateful words. No matter how hard they tried to get back to where they were, their relationship kept deteriorating. "It was the fornication," he said in his heavy New Yorker accent. And now he was praying for a miracle. I told him we'd be praying for him and I would ask you to do so. Bruni is his name.

Those who despise wisdom in the area of sexual morality pay a tremendous price.

They had despised wisdom and discipline and paid an enormous price. Proverbs 1:31 (NIV) warns how the wicked, "...will eat the fruit of their ways." Proverbs 13:15 (NIV) says, "...the way of the unfaithful is hard." And yet Proverbs 4:18 (NIV) says, "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day."

Here is a fact of life. The path of the wicked becomes harder and harder. But the path of the righteous becomes smoother and smoother. For the righteous God promises in Proverbs 4:12 (NIV), "When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble."

You know, people say the craziest things. One person was telling me how it was okay with him if his kids sowed their wild oats while they were young, because God would forgive and clean it all up later. God can indeed forgive, but he often allows the pain to remain to humble us and keep us in his grace.

This was the case with the truck driver. He came to the cross for forgiveness, and indeed he was forgiven. But for the time being, the pain of that broken relationship remains. And it's a long way back. And even though he is willing to take the journey, I don't think she's as willing.

Suppose you lived down the street from one of the finest emergency rooms in all of Illinois, and it's staffed with one of the greatest physicians around. If needed, he can sew your hand back on, do any kind of reconstructive surgery, do heart transplants, or do brain surgery. He can work miracles!

Just because the Great Physician can put you back together doesn't mean that you want to endure months, or years, or even a lifetime of painful recovery. Aren't we better off living wisely and not ruining our lives in the first place?

In Proverbs 5 a father is trying to reason with his son. The son is being tempted to give away his chastity, his virginity, to an adulterous woman. But the son isn't thinking clearly. He isn't weighing his choices carefully. So the father does what every good father should do. He logically walks his son through the situation, then asks him to consider the path of righteousness. In Proverbs 5:1-14 (NIV) the father says, "My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight, that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not. Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say. Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel, lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich another man's house. At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent. You will say, 'How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction! I would not obey my teachers or listen to my instructors. I have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly.' "

One alternative was for the son to give in to the advances of the adulterous woman. This path would lead straight to death. The woman was bitter, she would treat him with cruelty, she would exploit him and ruin him financially, destroy his physical health, wear him out, humiliate him in front of the assembly, and cause him to live with regret for not having obeyed God.

But the other alternative was the way of chastity and fidelity, monogamy. He could steer clear, live in chastity now, and one day live in fidelity with the wife of his youth. His life could be filled with integrity, love, joy, satisfaction, peace, and blessing. Proverbs 5:15-23 (NIV) says, "Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may your rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy your always, may your ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD-- and he examines all his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, let astray by his own great folly."

If given the choice, what would you choose?

There are some people who, no matter much you explain the way of righteousness, will always choose evil. In Proverbs 2:12-19 (NIV) the father tells the son, "Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways, who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil, whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways. It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God. For her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead. None who go to her return or attain the paths of life."

Proverbs 6:20-29 (NIV), "My son, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your mother's teaching. Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life, keeping you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife. Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished."

Perhaps the strongest image in Proverbs about moral depravity is Proverbs 30:20 (NIV) which says, "This is the way of the adulteress: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, 'I've done nothing wrong.' " Listen to the mentality! This is a person who is driven by her appetites, who has no sense of right and wrong. How could anything good come from such a relationship? Yet many will pursue a relationship with someone like that.

What are the Biblical standards for morality?

This past week I began reading a book called Sexual Morality: Recovering Biblical Standards for a Culture in Crisis. The author reflects on the new attitudes in our culture governing sexuality.

• Never question your sexual desires, just trust them.

• Sexual morality depends on how you feel in the moment.

• Sex is nothing personal and has no lasting effect on one's emotional, physical, psychological, or spiritual well being.

• Exploring and indulging sexual desire-- not being reconciled to God-- is the key to finding meaning, purpose, and identity.

• Salvation is being liberated from any sexual constraints placed upon you by the word of God. We need to be saved from Christ, from Biblical morality, from Christianity, and from religion.

Should we believe the message our culture is sending us? Proverbs 14:15 ((NIV) says, "A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thoughts to his steps." How much thought have you given to your ways? Is your path becoming harder and harder, or smoother and smoother?

The truck driver realized that his path was becoming harder and harder. He slipped back into his old ways. He wondered if God could forgive him once more. For days, he told me he had been praying and fasting in his truck. When he wandered across the road, he came to what appeared to be an empty parking lot. It only reinforced his sense of isolation apart from God.

Yet there at the foot of the cross, God met him. The truck driver humbled himself once more, and God poured out his grace. You may think there is no way forward, but in Christ, God has provided a way forward. But you must trust Christ more than self. You must take this opportunity to give thought to your ways, and repent of your sins, and follow in Christ's footsteps. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."