We've been talking about How to Win Friends and Influence People for Jesus. We began by turning to God Himself to teach us. After all, it’s His mission that were concerned with. God gives us our mandate, our message, our methodology, He is the chief evangelist…shepherd…disciplemaker. He is the one who draws, justifies, sanctifies, and glorifies. He invites us to be his co-laborers. Our evangelistic temperature is directly related to getting deep in the Word.
And our evangelistic temperature is directly related to getting down on our knees in prayer. As God's people, we ought to be contending (struggling in prayer) on behalf of all people everywhere. Why? Because God wills that all men be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth. Because God is patient not wanting anyone to perish. Because the Bible also says prayer (“Contending Prayer.”) is to be of first importance.
To “Contending Prayer” we add “Conscientious Kindness.” Kindness is God's chief strategy. God's loving-kindness leads people to repentance and greater faith. In the same way, our kindness (our conscientious acts of care) draw people to Jesus. Jesus said be Salt and be Light so that men will praise our Father in Heaven. And God extends his kindness even to the wicked, ungrateful, to his enemies.
There is nothing hard about these things. In his book, Dale Carnegie points out that one of the most basic and powerful acts of kindness is calling a person by name. There is no sweeter sound that a person hearing their name called (i.e. positively, warmly. . . Not like how my mother would say my name—but maybe how your mother would say your name).
A while back I spent a half-day with officer Chris Jones. He was assigned to do outreach to the homeless. You should have seen how people lit up, when he greeted the homeless by name. Every time you say a name… you’re giving people one of the greatest gifts you can give—a sense of dignity. In the same way, nothing delights God more than hearing us pray the names of the people he loves, died for, and longs to reconcile to Himself!
A while back Bob Esperum helped me replace my roof. We drove around collecting supplies. It doesn't matter whether it’s a desk clerk, sales person, forklift operator, immigrant worker, homeowner, business owner. Bob has this uncanny ability to know each person… their name, their story. He tipped everyone in the warehouse. He cued up food, Gatorade, for the roofers. Nobody was too small, nobody was too big. He was indiscriminately kind. These men are masters of conscientious kindness—and you couple that with contending prayer… wow!
Let's go to a third level of impact. Again, we need look no further than the Bible, to the example of Jesus. Years back, Eugene Petersen paraphrased the whole Bible and called it “The Message.” I'm not a huge fan of paraphrases—but I was struck by his poetic rendering of John 1:14 which says of Jesus, “The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. We saw [his] glory with our own eyes, [his] one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son, Generous inside and out, true from start to finish.” Why was it necessary that God become man? Why did God change his address from Heaven to Nazareth, Capernaum, ultimately Jerusalem?
Throughout Scripture, God's primary mode of “being” is incarnational. In the Garden of Eden, God walked with Adam. He walked with Enoch. On that Holy Mountain, God allowed Moses a glimpse of his glory. In the wilderness, God established a tabernacle (a tent) and dwelt among his people. God’s presence was manifest as a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. In Jerusalem, God established his Holy Temple, as a dwelling for his name.
But all of this was a shadow of a reality that was to come—the bodily incarnation of Christ. God becoming one of us, being born of flesh and blood, and being found in human likeness, humbling himself, becoming our servant, laying down his life, even on a cross. God refuses to exist in the abstract, or at a distance. He is profoundly personal. The Bible says Jesus is the “image” of God—the perfect likeness, the exact representation of Father’s being and likeness. A picture is worth a thousand words. What is a picture of God worth? Jesus gives us a complete picture of God, but in flesh-blood form, so that we can know him fully. God is incarnational.
Now what about the modern church? Are we incarnational like Jesus? The travesty of our day is how self-servingly transactional the Church can be. Do not misunderstand—I am pro-capitalist. I'd rather live in a capitalist society like American than any other. But the downside of our capitalistic society is that our primary mode of being is consumerism. Consumerism is all about making and otherwise being transactional. You see something you desire. You’re convinced it will make your life better. You consumer it for a price. Then you repeat. As consumers we want to be served, catered to, pampered. We want content and church programming on demand, in effect, we want Christ on demand. We want worship experiences that center around us, and move us, and make us feel a certain way. We will pray to a point. We can be kind to a point. But for the consumer, the more transactional contending prayer and conscientious kindness can be, the better. We don't want people or their problems sticking to us.
Jesus was Incarnationally Connective. What does that mean! Well, I think it means we exude a desire to belong, to become rooted, to serve instead of just being served, to give, to sacrifice, to keep showing up! So, we've largely curated a church experience were we can be transactional. Where we don't have to stick, or know others, or even be known. We’re anonymous, free-lancers, like concert-goers, attendees, spectators, consumers... Church has become an APP we take on the go; an online experience we play in the background while we sleep in bed.
Jesus was incarnationally connective. We might as well stick with the Message. How does Eugene Petersen paraphrase Philippians 2? Well… “If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care—then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. “Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.”
How do we win friends and influence people? 1-Contending Prayer. 2-Conscientious Kindness. 3-Incarnational Connection. The four most powerful invitations Jesus gave his disciples were all about connection. First Jesus said, “Come and See." Connection begins with curiosity. We ought to allow ourselves to be known. How else will someone evaluate whether the Christian life is worthwhile, if we never open our lives? In the church we have mastered the art of keeping people at hand-shake or head-nod distance. How can there be any influence without proximity? For iron to sharpen iron, they have to meet or come together. Come to my home. Let’s get together for dinner. Let me show you my work. Let me introduce you to my family. Let's hang out.
Second Jesus said “Follow Me.” Not only does there need to be proximity, but there has to be follow through. It’s always exciting to meet somebody new—but they have their path in life and you have your path in life. Both parties have to make it a greater priority to keep coming together. To say this another way, there is no true evangelism without integration. We'd like to think a world exists where we can be transactional and have throngs come to Jesus. We have to free up bandwidth to be connective. What kind of bandwidth? Our Time. We can't be busy every night and weekend. Our Energy. Giving people the leftovers of our time and energy won't do much to wet their appetite for the Bread of Life; the Living Water. Our Attention. If you ever wanted to demystify love—it comes down to time, energy, attention.
By the way there is a fascinating study called the Dunbar Principle. Essentially, all human relationships are numerically hard-wired. Think in terms of multiples of three. You have your ONE, your significant other or a companion. This person monopolizes your time, energy, attention and you’re okay with that. But then you have your THREE/FOUR. These people get the next ring of your time, energy, affection. Then you have your TWELVE. This is effectively your working circle. It's your family, it’s key coworkers, it’s close friends. But then you have your FORTY-FIVE. This is your community. It's your sports league, your pals down at the club or bar, your effective church circle. You might attend a church of 500 or 5000 but you only talk to about 45 people, and that's maybe once a week. There is also your 150, 500, 1500. Jesus had one—John. Jesus had three—Peter, James, John. Jesus has the twelve. Jesus had 50—disciples, women, and believers. Jesus had 120, he showed himself to 500 at Pentecost. In Acts the church grew to thousands.
What do you need to know? With each concentric ring you’re giving people a fraction of connection. If you want to win friends and influence people for Jesus you have to free up those inner rings of 12, definitely your 45 or 120.
Jesus invited his disciples come and see, follow me, be with me. Two-Thirds of the gospels record the life-on-life moments Jesus had with his disciples. Survey John's gospel—Jesus was with these guys all the time… from the wedding of Cana to the Upper Room, which Jesus had specially prepared. One could argue that what happened in the upper room was the single most, incarnationally connective moment in all history. Why? Because Jesus gave Himself to the Disciples—the bread symbolizing his body, the wine symbolizing his life poured out. And then after his resurrection Jesus again appeared to the Twelve. It was then that he breathed upon the Twelve and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” Jesus’ final invitation was “Remain in Me.” His final promise on earth was, “I am with you always until the end of the age.” The whole life of Christ and mission of Jesus hinges on incarnational connection. Jesus becoming flesh and blood, Jesus giving us his Spirit.
Jesus poured himself out: contending prayer, conscientious kindness, incarnational connection. Jesus wasn't just with us bodily, he remains in and with us by his Spirit forever. Let's not suppose superficial transactions will do heavy lifting needed. Jesus, and Church, ever moving into newer neighborhoods.