1 Peter 4:7-11 captures everything we've been saying about Winning Friends and Influencing People for Jesus. “7 The end of all things is near therefore, be alert and sober-minded for prayer. 8 Above all, maintain constant love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins. 9 Be hospitable to one another without complaining. 10 Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God. 11 If anyone speaks, let it be as one who speaks God’s words; if anyone serves, let it be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever.”
Why is our mission urgent? Because the end of all things is near. Because life is fleeting. Because Christ is coming again, soon. What should we do? Peter says, Be sober-minded in prayer—contending for your fellow man. Be loving and conscientiously kind, because love covers over a multitude of sin and leads men to repentance. Be hospitable, be incarnationally connective, sacrificially serve one another without grumbling. Peter says, show off the kaleidoscopic spectrum of God's grace in its varied forms. This is one of my favorite pictures of the church—because we all have unique gifts, abilities, gifts, personalities, ideas, and convictions. When every believer is unleashed for ministry, and we lay everything down in serving God and one another… it’s breathtakingly beautiful.
And to all of this Peter adds, “If anyone speaks, let it be as one who speaks God's words. . . so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything.” I think you would agree… one of the most audacious things we can do is presume to speak and act on behalf of God. We can so easily come across as proud, arrogant. 1 Peter 4:11 is both a warning and an invitation. A warning that if we are going to speak on behalf of God, better make sure it not fall short or go beyond his Word. But also, an invitation. Every word we speak is a golden opportunity to glorify God and point people to Jesus!
Verse 11 is where we get in trouble! Verse 11 is where the mission of Jesus begins to break down. Here is something to consider: We know people need Jesus. So we pray accordingly, we show kindness, and cultivate deep connective relationships. So far so good. But then realize… this person doesn't think like I think, they don't believe what I believe, we don't agree on too much… they have a different worldview, differing values and presuppositions. How do we navigate our differences without blowing up newfound connections? How do we engage in constructive, meaningful conversations, leading people to Jesus?
My short answer, it to begin with a posture of Humble Curiosity.
Let’s back up a moment and talk about human nature. What does Jesus tell us about human nature? In Matthew 13:14-15 Jesus quotes the prophet Isaiah to make a rather sober assessment of people. He says, “14 Isaiah’s prophecy is fulfilled in them, which says: You will listen and listen, but never understand; you will look and look, but never perceive. 15 For this people’s heart has grown callous; their ears are hard of hearing, and they have shut their eyes; otherwise they might see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their hearts, and turn back—and I would heal them.” In the Parable of Sower Jesus likened people to four different types of soil. There is fruitful soil, thorny soil, rocky soil, and hardened paths. The same gospel seeds can be sown on all soils but yield dramatically different results. Why? Because not every ear is open, not every eye is willing to see, not every mind understands, not every heart (soil) receives. People are stubborn in their beliefs.
Robert Heinlein said, “Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; its wastes your time and annoys the pig!” Man isn't a rational animal; he is a rationalizing animal. You will never persuade a person to change their deeply held, fundamental belief system. They have too much time and energy invested in their worldview—it’s too cognitively expense for them to reverse that. It's too difficult—especially when their self-identity is rooted in their belief. This is how we often feel about evangelism. Never evangelize. People won't see, won't hear, won't try to understand. It’s impossible. Their hearts are hard soil. Evangelism is a waste of your time and just annoys people anyway. It can also cost you relationships.
For Jesus, these truths weren't an excuse or point for resignation. Instead, what does the Bible say? When Jesus saw the crowds, he had compassion. He “understood” they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. And we see in the gospels how Jesus would counter hardness with humility; and callousness with compassion and understanding.
So again, let me make a comment about human nature. The single most repulsive trait we can have, humanly speaking, is pride. Not only does God hate pride, God opposes the proud. But I've found this true of people too. Not only do people hate pride, they oppose the proud. Consider for example Paul’s warning that a father not exasperate their children. If a father reprimands his son harshly, a son can become exasperated. Growing up, dad would often work double shifts at the factory. When exhausted, dad could be so harsh. Instead of understanding a situation, he'd often blow up in anger. A child needs the same grace a father needed when he was a child. But if that grace isn't shown, if a father is overly judgmental and harsh, a child becomes exasperated… and in time… oppositional!
We would all agree that humility is indispensable in parenting. Humility engenders cooperation; Arrogance shuts already hardened people down further.
Steven Covey, in his classic Seven Habits of Effective People, devotes an entire chapter to the power of humility. His advice? “Seek first to understand before being understood.” I think that advice applies as much vertically as horizontally. Do I really know and understand God to presume to speak on his behalf? Do I really know and understand my fellow man—their story—to presume to speak into their life? In our pride, we can be quick to anger, quick to speak, quick to judge and react, quick to type, opine, and malign, quick to label! But not so fast… be slow to anger, slow to speak, abounding in love. Seek first to understand. Just a little bit of humility goes far to engender cooperation. Humility conveys, I'm on your side. We're in the same boat. We both need the same mercy and grace... We both need truth, insight, perspective, revelation and light. We're both on a journey toward truth, though in different places.
Now what is our typical response when we encounter human hardness? Well typically… if we don't abandon give up on the relationship… we “power up.” We get angry, frustrated, … we become forceful, threatening, emotional, arrogant. What we don't do so well is seek first to understand before forcing understanding. Preaching, teaching, lecturing, social media posting, shouting, protesting, defaming… is easier than asking, listening, questioning, understanding.
When it comes to human hardness, the truth is we have a secret weapon. In John 16:7-11 Jesus says, “Nevertheless, I am telling you the truth. It is for your benefit that I go away, because if I don’t go away the Counselor will not come to you. If I go, I will send him to you. When he comes, he will convict the world about sin, righteousness, and judgment: 9 About sin, because they do not believe in me; 10 about righteousness, because I am going to the Father and you will no longer see me; 11 and about judgment, because the ruler of this world has been judged.” Jesus promised that the Holy Spirit would come on the Disciples in a special, and powerful manner—teaching them what to say and do. But also, that the Spirit, in a more general way, would go out into the world and convict men. Negatively of a man's sin, positively of his need for righteousness, and ultimately of his need for Christ. No matter how deaf, blind, dumb, hardened, offensive, ungrateful, wicked… there the Holy Spirit is working. We don't have to be cynical, or worse resigned. No matter who you encounter, no matter how different they are in say their belief, behavior, or worldview… know that God’s Holy Spirit is already at work.
Steve Helm, one of our Elders, is always fond of saying, “We don't need to be the Holy Spirit in people's lives.” The Holy Spirit knows exactly what's going on in a person’s heart, mind, body, soul, relationships. The Spirit is omniscient—all knowing. But you and I… we are not… which is the whole basis for humility. Part of influence is learning to stay in our lane. I want to let the Holy Spirit work. I'm going to be careful not to get ahead of Him. I’m going to stay humble; seeking first to understand before being understood. This doesn't mean we never speak the truth—that's next week’s topic—but it does mean we maintain a sober measure of ourselves, and what our role truly is.
So what can we do when we encounter a spiritually resistant person? Beyond prayer, kindness, connection I would say, demonstrate “humble curiosity.” Let's unpack the second part of this phrase. Curiosity. The first portrait of Jesus' actual personality that the gospel writers give us is found in Luke 2. Jesus’ family is in Jerusalem for Passover. Jesus is still a young child. In those days, families would travel in caravans, like frontier people did in their covered wagons. But Jesus wasn't up front in the caravan the men and his dad. He wasn't in the back with the women and children. After a few days, Mary and Joseph realize Jesus had been left behind in Jerusalem! They’d lost track of the Son of God!
Luke 2:46-50 says, “After three days, they found him in the temple sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 And all those who heard him were astounded at his understanding and his answers.” Jesus' chief strategy with resistant Jews was first “humbly listening and understanding” and secondly “curiously asking questions.” It’s his humble curiosity (verse 46) that then afforded Jesus (in verse 47) the opportunity to convey his own understanding and answers. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Humble Curiosity is basic respect. And notice the context—Jesus was with these men an unhurried 2-3 days. The best conversations flow within context of connection.
In Luke 2:44 Jesus parent's are so impressed and had a few questions of their own for Jesus. “48 When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.” And put on the spot, with hostile parents, how does Jesus respond? With humble curiosity! Verse 49, “Why were you searching for me?” he asked them. “Didn’t you know that it was necessary for me to be in my Father’s house?” 50 But they did not understand what he said to them.”
Look into the matter. Time after time, Jesus chief strategy was to ask questions. He uses questions, parables, stories to help people in see, hear, and understand what they otherwise would be too blind, deaf, dumb, hardened to understand. And he did it within the context of relationship.
In Matthew 12:18-21 Jesus once again quotes Isaiah the Prophet to describe the character of his mission. Yes people are hardened. So how would God's servant come? God says, “18 Here is my servant whom I have chosen, my beloved in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. 19 He will not argue or shout, and no one will hear his voice in the streets. 20 He will not break a bruised reed, and he will not put out a smoldering wick, until he has led justice to victory. 21 The nations will put their hope in his name.” Here Jesus would come Isaiah says… relying on the Spirit. Not powering up, not become a bull in the china shop… not shouting, yelling, bruising, becoming belligerent or reckless, acting arrogantly. But again, spirit-reliant. Gentle. Humble. Meek. Conversational. Curious. Patient. Kind. Parables. Stories. Questions. Jesus was the master! And we look to Jesus to equip us to win friends and influence people for Him.